5 Minute Friday- Forget

5 Minute Friday....no edits, just write

Forget.... Forget the former things He has been saying. All the new things they have indeed been springing up. But what I find is that as I walk into the new those old things flood back. And I remember. And the fear grips me hard. And for just one moment it sinks in and I think I can't possibly walk even one step that way again. And then He whispers....forget. New things springing up. Ray burst forth. And it's the bursting I think that takes me by surprise, yes. Fearful of new because quite honestly, new wasn't always good. Yet He worked it for my good. And I find myself in this place of forgetting while still trying to remember all His goodness. New things are born from pain. Thankful.
Stop.

What Do You Hear

It's been the longest of weeks. The quiet has escaped me. And even on the days I could rest, my mind wakes going with all the things I should be doing. I read a verse that stopped me. Reminded me of all that I have to do really....Worry about yourself.... Not what everyone else is or isn't doing. But what is it that you are called to? What is it that I am tasked with? It's all shifted for me. All of it. And finding my bearings in the harvest is so much harder than I dreamed. But He knew that. He knows me. And the overflow came quickly. It settled deep into my heart....

 “..What I’m interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families. Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way. The GOD of glory will secure your passage. Then when you pray, GOD will answer. You’ll call out for help and I’ll say, ‘Here I am.’ “If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people’s sins, If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight. I will always show you where to go. I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places— firm muscles, strong bones. You’ll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭58:9-12‬ ‭MSG‬‬

He told me those word long ago. In the first year. In the hardest of times. Restore...rebuild.....renovate.  Perhaps He was speaking as much about my heart as He was my life, yes. It is my answer on the hardest of days. You will....thankful.

In the 4th Year

It is the fourth year. That somehow has its own significance. This was the fourth year of my very first long run. My first race. I remembered that morning well. And I smiled as I hit the snooze button on my alarm. This year, the new ones were joining me. I was the one who had been there before. I would take them with me. This year brought challenges to my run I had never encountered. And they filled my mind. It affected my entire journey. This run was not pleasant. I didn't leave it all on the road. I carried it with me. And it was heavy. It made things difficult at best. But at the end, because good or bad I did finish, for the first time ever in this crazy journey, I wasn't there alone. For the first time ever, one was there to greet me with a kiss and say good job. I have always been the single girl. Always been the tag along since I began this journey and running became a part of my life. But not this time. Not in the 4th year. And I realized that sometimes we get something other than what we believed was the right answer. How will we love in that circumstance. Will we take what we are given, see it as God's best, and love with all our hearts??  Will we accept what He takes and realize that perhaps it is His best. For each of us. He promised to fill this space again. He promised me. I had visions. So did He. And I was surround yesterday with brand new. As hard as my run was, something beautiful met me at the end. What I had always wanted. My own person waiting for me. So it was in fact, the best run ever. Thankful.

Progress

It's a quiet, cold Saturday morning. I slept much later than I anticipated. But that's ok. It's been one of those weeks where you were just glad to get to Friday and take a breath. I can feel the tension go as I sit here and realize I'm not on a schedule this morning. I love the quiet of the mornings. Everything still settled in. This weekend is a flurry of activity. And that's beautiful. Filled with excitement. This year has already brought so much change, so much new. Already into the second month. And this year He has pushed me well out of my comfort. Well out of any hint of routine. I struggle with that. It's hard for me to embrace. Yet I trust Him. There is no perfect, but there is  the ability to love and serve those around you. And as that changes too, I find He has to change my heart yet again to adapt. New levels, new people, new sandpaper..... New levels of smoothing off rough spots before we go onto the next round. A work in progress. But it progress all the same. He still working. Thankful. 

Yes and Amen

He's been speaking to me all week. Whispering the verses of so very long ago. When I first believed, first started my walk. I was 22 years old. I had no idea what I would face all these years of walking. Ups and downs, starts and stops, back rounds. And as much as most days my prayers are similar in nature because So. Much. Change. I remember that's all it takes really. And He reminds with with solid truth. Solid words that have held me for more years than it feels like I want to count. He has the plan, not me. It's not for my destruction although I have been in places that felt like the very breath had been stolen from my body. It's for my good. Even the hardest days are Romans 8:28 days. And so much lately with Genesis 50:20. People can mean things for harm can't they? Not have our best interest. Not have good intentions. But God uses all that for good. All of it. Even the worst parts of it. He doesn't throw away the bruised spots. I'm thankful for every day He's has brought me through. I'm thankful that I have learned so much along the way. And I'm thankful He loves me way to much to let me set for too long. There is so much to do. And He's got a plan. My answer need only be yes and amen. Thankful. 

Small

This year is slipping by so very quietly and unassuming. Such big changes yet I'm taking them all in quietly. I used to let them drown me. All the fears rushing in at once. Now I have learned to stand quietly and let them crash loudly all around because like the waves of water that come, loud crashes and roars, the gentlest of water washes up to your feet. So much He has given me. So many changes. So very much taken but even more given to replace and it is humbling. And that's beautiful. I learned to stoop low in the beginning. I learned that small isn't a place where you stay. It's a place you return to quiet your very soul. To hear His words when things aren't so very small anymore. Yes, those days don't stay forever. It's purpose served. It's forever embedded in my heart. Thankful. 

Back Round

The cold bit into me as I ran. I saw the million stars shining as I did. It's been a long long while since I ran in that place on a cold winter night. Over three years. Funny how all of a sudden He called me back round to a thing I had pretty much been okay with doing a different way. And being there on that night, well, I just couldn't help but remember. I feel as though I have slightly lost sight of the girl that I fought so hard to find. But that air and that place, it all came right back. I've had the best and worst moments of my life there in the past few years. My defining moments. It's what God used to change everything for me. It was my salvation and my hiding place. It's where I met people who would change my life forever. It's where I was when the bottom fell out. It's where I was heading to, years later, when God opened the door of my heart again. Those stars, that sky, that ground, have seen my best and my worst   I have cried a million tears and said a million prayers looking up, and face down. It is where I learned that the physical and the spiritual in my life are very intertwined. It's what helped make me, me. It's where I learned to run. It saved me while He broke me. I ran it last night thinking oh how the years change everything. Especially me. And while I stopped looking back a while ago, because so much amazing is ahead of me, I did look at the girl that was. And I wanted to tell her that this horrible awful beautiful ride would make her so much more than she ever dreamed. She would loose so very much. But she would gain so very much more. So much more. Every tear caught. Every prayer heard. And under that same night sky I smiled again. Thankful.