Onward

"You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk" Louise Smith
I see this everyday in preschool. Hands filled, they come across something new, something better, something they want, yet in order to take hold of it, they must empty their hands of what they are already holding on to.

How often do I do that? I see the things that God wants me to take hold of, but I am too busy holding on to things I need to let go of, that are keeping from the best God has for me. My hands are full, my heart is heavy, my mind is stuck and unable to let go and fully embrace what lies ahead, because it just seems impossible. Holding on to what I already know is safe, it's tangible. To empty my hands, let go and trust that God will fill them with something better is hard. No looking back. Just let go.

To believe that He has brought me here not to harm me, but to give me hope and a future, some days doesn't exactly seem like it's the real deal.  As much as I see the beauty of what He has created in this brokenness, some days all I see are the shattered pieces and the devastation feels much too real to open myself up and trust that this is what it takes to bring me to healing, to the goodness and fullness of all He desires for me.  Some days I sit clutching these shards of a life, pushing the pain in deeper when I hold on tightly, instead of letting Him have His way, removing the pieces, clearing the way for healing.  I tend to focus on the scars. 

And so He waits.  And He comforts.  I, as is typical for His very stubborn child, finally relent and accept this place where I am.  And I grow yet again.  One day closer to that girl I know I am.  The one He's creating me to be.  Stronger.  More resilient.  Forgiving.  Loving.  Patient.  Kind. Adaptable.  Accepting.  Humbled.  Thankful.  Forgiven.  Accepted.  Approved. Beloved. Changed.