Breeze

This day did not begin quite the way I had planned.  I found myself shaking my head, wondering, how Lord? How do I navigate this.  The unrest inside gave way to tangible frustration.  Expectations piling themselves heavy on my shoulders, so I just called it quits.  Enough is enough.  My grass cutting came to an abrupt halt and the churning of thoughts reminding me just how alone I feel in all this, screamed at me loudly.....ear plugs can only guard from the noises outside, not those that come from the heart.  And so I just decided to do the next thing, it was the only thing to do.  And very real prayers gave way to very real confessions of a girl who is swimming in a sea of exhaustion and unsure steps.  And then he came, he did.  Unexpectedly.  I had all but given up on any help arriving, but he came.  And dicussing the ills plaguing my plans to keep it all up on my own, well my plans, they just didn't quite come to pass.  That's alright, it is.  Things, little things, got completed.  Things perhaps none would notice but me.  Cutting ties that bind.....ties that have held things long since dead.....gone.  And when he left, we were one step closer to where we need to be.  And the heat of the day gave way to my complete exhaustion.  And I lay on the mattress size float, surrounded by green and blue and breeze.....and I prayed. Give me Your wisdom in this because I am so so lost.....and the wrestling stopped.  Sleep settled hard and dreamless.  And I woke to clear blue skies and a breeze and the words in quietness and trust are your strength.....Yes.  The quiet I have been so trying to outrun.  Yet it's in those moments as of late He answers, He moves.  And so I settle, even if it's ever so slightly, under the weight of this He has called me to right now.  No one ever said new was easy, without risk.  But the alternative, well, there are things worse than quiet.  And so I settle yet again.  Thankful.

Faith Barista