31 Days - Day 5

I still live fearful. I know it's something He is working out in me. Listening to church online this morning pierced such a sore spot in my heart. My older brother mentality.  When I complain that this seems to be such a long road and don't You even care what all I have been through Lord? Don't you see what I am walking? Is it ever going to be enough? Am I ever going to be enough. That's really the question. Because surely by now I would have gotten it right. And I forget about grace. I forget just how long I walked away. I forget all the benefits He lavishes on me. And I panick. And fear and frustration take hold. And I pout. And I forget that I am not doing this thing perfectly either. And in the depths of my own sin He still covers me. I'm still taken aback by a lesson learned this weekend. I'm still trying to let it settle in deep. When I threw it all off, and risked humiliation and correction, punishment and hard truth, I found grace and healing. Not excuses saying I was right, but understanding saying we all fall short. This isn't the best way, so remeber what you learned in this and let it shape your future choices. Yes. So why do I so easily fall back into the arms crossed position. Why do I think God will take any less care of my every need when He asks me to sacrifice something for another. What if today I just remeber that grace isn't in limited supply. It isn't in danger of running out. And it is poured in so it can be poured out. Water set unmoving will stagnate and become useless. Water continually flowing spreads wide and deep. But is also changes the vessel. That's what grace does. Changes me as it is given to another. Thankful.