5 Minute Friday: Release

RELASE: Go.....
My words have been few lately.  That leaves me feeling a bit out of sorts.  But what if there just aren't any? What if all that you are left with some days is silence.  And some days I am just shakin' my head going what in the world.  I see it, but I still can't quite wrap my mind around it.  God's grace.  His goodness.  It's for me too.  Yes, this long walk of hard days has left me at times quite unable to remember.  Until He gives me opportunity to remember.  Opportunity to encourage another along this road.  Funny thing about encouragement...funny thing about how He works in my life.  He asks me so often to give the very thing I am in desperate need of myself. Sometimes He asks me to rejoice in situations that I find myself in want of.  Why?  Encouragement, rejoicing, even weeping with others....all give way to remind me of the times He has come through for me again and again.  The blessings He pours out again and again, until I remember.  "Give and it will be given unto you".....yes it will.  Perhaps He will not release the things we think we are so deserving of until we can trust enough to release it to Him, so that we remember where it all comes from anyways and we don't make an idol of things that seem like the answer.  He is the answer.  Always. Thankful.
Stop.

Joining Lisa Jo and the girls.  5 Minutes, no edits or rewrites and love those that came before.

5 Minute Friday - Messenger

MESSENGER....Go...

I traveled a long way for this.  To be a messenger.  I never planned on it, never wanted to be this thing, yet here I am...and it is who I have become.  I never knew that mountain I was facing, walking day in and day out, falling, standing back up, believing even when I wasn't really sure what I was believing in exactly.....those days, this has become His message....and I'm just the messenger.  Just the tablet He wrote upon, His Words.....but they can't come in any other form some times.   My message is shared because of the road it took to deliver it.  Without the journey then what stories might we have to encourage another we find on this road?  My scrapes and bumps and bruises show that yes, you can make it too. Thankful.

Stop.

Joining Lisa Jo and the girls....5 Mintues, no edits and no rewrites.  Love those that came before.

21

It had been my plan to blog for 21 days.....it has also been my plan to make sure we had groceries and that laundry was done.  These last two weeks have wrecked me.  Not in a bad way, but its funny, He shakes things up and all my plans seem quite insignificant.  Side note...the kids have been fed and we have all had clean clothing :)  I keep saying not my way....not my will.  Just whatever You want, that's what I want too.  And I worry sometimes I'm missing it.  But then there are times when I make up my own mind and decide what I think is best...safest....and He wrecks me.  And as frustrating as it is, there is where I find peace.  There I find His will, not my own.  My best laid plans....the safer way.  When did I ever think that is what He has called me to anyways?  So far in over my head I am.....so desperately happy on the inside as I stop treading water, stop fighting this big ocean of unknown and just float.  There is beauty in that.  I will get there.  Thankful.

5 Minute Friday - Hands

Joining Lisa Jo and the girls.  5 minutes, no edits or re-writes and love those that came before...

HANDS....Go..
I'm reminded how God meets needs before they ever exist. He puts His girls together in ways that hold fast and one who is a little up ahead is there to whisper to the one just beginning. Lend me your hand baby girl....I'll hold you up. You see someone has to go first. Someone has to learn to be the hand holder. Someone has to say yes. And more often than not it is messy and ugly and the worst kind of pain you can imagine. But those are the hands that rescue. Those are the hands that will do battle and believe for the impossible. Those hands.....they were molded by The Hands....and He puts to use all those things that whispered they would destroy us. Indeed, those very things made us able. His hands changed everything. Thankful. 
Stop.

Whitespace & A Book Review

My sweet blogging friend Bonnie just wrote book, she did.  She wrote about her journey.  She shared her words.  Such a blessing to be one of the people chosen to read it first and share my thoughts.  This came in the mail right at the same time my own world was being thrown into a whole lot a new.  My girl graduating high school, the start of a new job and juggling all that goes with being a single momma to my girl and my boy.  Finding time to be quiet was going to be a challenge since my days were set to begin at 4 am and mostly haven't ended until around 10 pm.  Funny how these things show up at just the right time :) Mostly I can read a chapter a night, let the words sink in and have the quiet as I drift off to sleep.  Because that seems to be the only quiet I can find here lately, but God is faithful to meet us.

Bonnie's book challenges not only the way we see ourselves, but also the way how we have always been seen can shape our perception.  And it some times takes the most difficult of journeys to get us back to where we can see with clear eyes, the girls God truly made us to be.  The verse that comes to mind so often in my own life is: 

Isaiah 30:15 (AMP)

15 For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning [to Me] and resting [in Me] you shall be saved; in quietness and in [trusting] confidence shall be your strength. But you would not,

How often have I asked for guidance and direction, only to find He gave it to me....but I would not listen.  It wasn't my way or what I wanted to hear.  And when I got my own way, I usually got a big heaping mess to go right along with it.  The reminder to return to Him, each day, this is what will give us the strength we need to carry out all that He has for us.  So happy to be sharing this journey with such an amazing writer.   Her words are important.  Your words are important, so are mine. And they are certainly a gift to be shared. Thankful.

5 Minute Friday - Nothing

Prompt: NOTHING....

GO

I saw it as I typed....No Thing. That's what nothing is right? That thing you feel like you are missing? And so, you have nothing. Because that one little nothing can make everything else feel quite insignificant sometimes. And there are days when I feel as if I am coming up short again. With nothing. And when I let nothing define my worth and my value and who I am, yes, I can feel quite empty and at a loss. But when I allow God to change my perspective, nothing changes. When I see that in Him, No Thing can separate me from who He says I am, regardless of where I might find myself settled, I am reminded that no thing is greater than His love, provision and plan. Not an easy task. And somedays it's just that quick breath of His truth that keeps me going forward. Thankful. 

Path

I remember it well.  It had only been days, but the panic woke me and I could hardly breathe.  How would I do this?  What was going to happen to me and the kids?  I had no idea how this would work out....no idea.  And the fear I felt was more than I thought one body could take.  I believed at any moment my heart might literally explode.  And I tried to breathe.  Tried to sleep.  Nothing.  I decided that full time work was going to be a must.  Part time wasn't going to pay the bills.  And so I began.

Each time an opening would come, I would apply.  It was something that I knew I could do and I knew I would like.  Each application brought a no thank you email.  And so I continued.  Apply, no thank you.  Apply, no, no thank you.  Apply....and I was waiting for the email asking me not to apply anymore.  Opportunity came for two part time jobs.  Little did I know the flexibility I would need when this school year arrived.  Little did I know all the things this job that kept me hidden would teach me.  I didn't know how I would make it yet again when my preschool job wasn't there anymore.  Just me and full time and learning how to live on less again.  Yet, He made a way.  Seven long months of just day in and day out.  One missed phone call realized late on a Friday night.  I got an interview.  One panicked phone call and message left to say yes, yes, yes, I did want to interview.  Another Monday morning call to confirm.  The day arrived and I had no expectations, because I never expected I was actually going to get a chance anyways.  But here I was, yes, here I was.  And walking back through double doors she told me that the panel, all six of them, would be conducting the interview.  Oh my...not what I expected.  So I did my best and used my words and said a prayer and thought, well, I never thought I would even get that chance, so, it is what it is.  Then nothing.  Nothing.  Days passed, no word, then suddenly.....they wanted to tentatively offer me the job, did I want to continue on in the process?  Funny thing when you say yes and you have no idea what you are really saying yes to.....but no was never an option.

Diploma and card verifications and oh.....fill this out for your polygraph....ahem....huh?  This is also when you smile politely and say thank you all the while you are thinking what in the world am I doing?!?!?!  Then they call to schedule and you miss said call....twice...and finally they call your cell and you are set to go the very next day....and block off three hours...WHAT ????  If you know me just the word test insights panic...with especially horrid memories of earth science and extra credit....but there is only one way through. When the last T was crossed and I was dotted, yeah....nothing to do but wait.  And I heard nothing.  For 3 weeks...then out of the blue....reference checks began to happen.  Then nothing.  NOTHING.  Oh my lanta. And then out of the blue on a Tuesday at 4:30 my boy calls to say that I got a call saying my paperwork was all done.....when might you be able to start?  Yeah.  That just happened.

And the girl that laid in her bed two and half years ago wondering how and when and what.....yeah, she made it just fine.  And all that time and all those tears and all that random starting and stopping made her able to walk through a new door that allowed her to do something amazing.  Something she dreamed of yet never really quite believed would come true.  But He's in that business, He is.  I needed that reminder.  It's been a long beautiful week and my brain is sore from learning so much new, but I am able.  Yes I am.  Thankful.