Day 18

It's hard to balance some days. I see that. I see what He's doing. And I fight it. Why now I have no idea. When I have settled under it before, He handles it. And maybe that was going to prepare me, to remind me, what to do this time. It's harder now. More coming at me. He gives me much time of slow, of rest. And I struggle with it. It makes me afraid. And He takes away things that let me keep staying comfortable. Pushes me. This week has been just that. And by Monday, fighting a cold and the fear of this season had worn me down. Tuesday found me just about to drown in it. Two choices. Sink or swim. And so I got up, got dressed and said I have to do this. It's the only thing I know. My girl was up and moving before 10 am....obviously God was up to something!! So off we went. And I let go of the fear and the worry about what will be or what may happen or how I'm not doing any of this right. I spent the day living just in the moment with my girl. I've never had a problem planning for tomorrow, seeing how my actions can best suit long term. I do struggle with being present. Just living in the right now, and finding the joy in it. But for one day, I did. I did. And it was beautiful. And we prepared for Christmas. And we got excited for gifts for friends and family. And we had lunch and walked and talked and made the best memories of all. New ones to replace ones that have made this a season of the not so wonderful. The most beautiful things are often found in the most mundane of places, the most routine of days can bring life changing gifts. Just like Christmas. With a baby in a manger of hay. In the middle of a barn. On a single simple no special night. He made it life changing. Thankful.