It's Not What You Think It Is

I have repeated it over and over all week....this is not a competition. When it comes at me from 7 different ways, that has been my shield. It's sinking in, what He was trying to tell me, to show me, during my long trek through the mud and the woods 8 days ago. What I thought it was, it wasn't. What I thought I was getting into, no idea of the real truth. Would I have chosen it on my own? No way. But it's what was needed to change me, change my perspective. Would I have chosen these last three years as the means to find my way back to the girl He made me to be? No. A million times no. Yet I am very aware that He will do whatever it takes to get His children where they need to be. And I am ever so aware that I am a child of great promise....but I have also been a child of great challenge. 

When the reality of last weekend settled deep into me....this is not a competition....it freed me. I could do exactly what I was meant to do. And the journey became something different. And so as I am facing my real life version of the tough mudder, those words....this is not a competition.....clicked. I'm not competing with anyone else. And that has to be my own choice. Because what I am here to do is use my own strengths to help those around me. And let others circle around and help me in my weakness. Because it all matters. 

I am becoming very aware of who I am. That's frightening and exciting. And I have an enemy who would like nothing more than to knock me down before I can ever get started. Comparison, fear, insecurities, worry, gossip.....all his weapons to keep me stuck in the starting gate. I had to climb a wall to get to the beginning. To hear the words that would send me on my way. It's not a competition. The goal is for everyone to finish. And if there is an emergency, if someone is hurt, stop. Place your hand high over your head in an x and wait. Then go. Maybe fast, maybe slow. Maybe at a stand still. But if you are cheering, encouraging, hand holding, waiting for help, offering help, recieving help....where in all that does comparison fit in? It does not. And it doesn't fit in this journey of mine either. So today I'm looking that fear right back in the face again.... This is not a competition. Thankful.