Restless

Oh restless one..... I smiled even though my eyes filled with tears. I never dreamed, never dreamed.... The heavy fog lately speaks to my state of being. I can't see anything at all. It's hard to tell light from dark, direction and what's ahead. It's oppressive. My heart is so very restless. Hard doesn't begins to describe it. But I remeber, I do. Just a few days ago what I was up against. And I was so elated at the achievement. 4 days later I found myself in a lot of pain. I couldn't ignore it anymore. It was all I could focus on. So a quick phone call to the doctor to speak with a nurse ended with the words...come right away. And I didn't care that my legs weren't shaved, I had on no makeup and my hair gave messy bun a whole new definition.... When healing was offered, I ran. And it wasn't in my plans and it took more time than I supposed. But I was thankful for the physican who could see me, hear me and treat me. I crawled in bed exhausted.  I woke up finally feeling no pain. And I was so excited. Relief. I hold on way too long and push myself way too hard most times. I tend to forget He is the Author and Finisher of my faith (Heb 12:2). He began the work and He won't stop until it's complete. So where do all my attempts at do-it-yourself fit in? Truth is they don't. That is not my job. My job is to let Him have His way, through obedience to His word and seeking Him. He can handle the rest. Just like I could no more diagnose and treat myself. I sought help from the one who could heal me. I listened to His instructions and I followed them. Same holds true for my faith. And my job? Love. Thankful.