This month has truly left my head swirling...mostly taking my words. I'll admit some of them haven't been very nice anyways. This level of hard hasn't been seen in quite a while. And today as I tried to come to grip with anything normal, I dusted the table....and my hip hurt. Seems as though You and I are wrestling this one out Lord.....I took a deep breath before I uttered the next words because I know the weight of them, I do....I'm not letting go of You, I won't...and I'm not going to stop wrestling You until You bless me...
And those words cut like a double edge sword. I took my girl to the doorway of her new adventure. A new chapter.. And it's beautiful and gut-wrenching all at the same time. How do you let go and yet want to hold on so tightly all at once? Yes, seems to be a theme running right straight through me these days....
Funny thing in the letting go, He keeps bringing it right back round He does. Open hands, letting it fall and He fills it right back up.....and asks me to let it go again. Painful. Confusing. Exhausting....yet surprisingly the tiniest bit easier each and every time.
We set out wide-eyed and oblivious yesterday, we did, my girl and me. Completely trusting Him. And He met us right there. Met every need. Calmed my heart and gave needed distraction and then said open your hands baby girl..... and that pain came rushing right back. The fear, the panic, the frustration......until He whispered what my heart already knows....You are Mine, they are Mine....all of it Mine....let Me give it back to you My way....
And I whisper thanks as I look around and see all the provision, yes I do. It is there, it is there. Big dreams sometimes come with really rocky starts and 5 trips to Target before you get it right....but then you do, yes you do. And this girl hasn't given up hope that His promises are still right there. He sends me reminders.....rainbows He does...one found it's way right into a text message sent by a sister who knows a few things about walk besides....yes. Promises. His never ever fail. Thankful.
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