Sorrow

Been thinking a lot. Lots of verses reminding me to keep my eyes on Him and my head in this race. Because He is the Author and the Finisher. He brought me here. He will bring me to the completion. I was listening to a series by Steven Furtick at Elevation Church. Death To Selfie. He spoke of our sorrows being the thing that creates the greatest strength in us.  That resonated with me. I remember fighting God about writing again. I had written for the entire year of 2012 with pen and paper. It was private. And He wanted something more. And I said no. No way I was putting my words, my struggle, my life back in public view. I had been away from social media for the bulk of the year and had just dared to venture back a bit. You want me to put these words on my blog. The one I have not written on in literal months?!? The one that talks about us and what was?? No. No I won't do it. And round and round we went. Until I knew it was utter disobedience. And so I grudgingly picked the simplest design I could find.  A new space, not the old one. Me, words, and that publish button.  And the name for my blog well, when I saw it, I knew it was mine.  Girl Made Lovely BY Sorrow....it was because of what I had been walking that God could begin to come in and change all the old and ugly dying parts of me. It was the deepest, most sorrowful thing I had faced that God used to bring about the change I needed most.  I literally lost what I felt was my security, my world, to realize that apart from Him, none of it mattered.  It would never work, never be enough, never bring satisfaction, wholeness or fill all the places that I sought so hard to cram full of what I thought would make me valuable.

So a year to the day that my world stopped, my words found their way slowly back.  I had no idea, no idea....God has done so much in this, with this.  And even in these days that have left me face down wondering who pulled the rug out from under me....I haven't lost my words.  These sorrows, they carve me out hollow.  Like water on rock, making a way where there was none before.  They carve out a place for Him to fill.  Thankful.

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