Thursday, January 28, 2016
He's been speaking to me all week. Whispering the verses of so very long ago. When I first believed, first started my walk. I was 22 years old. I had no idea what I would face all these years of walking. Ups and downs, starts and stops, back rounds. And as much as most days my prayers are similar in nature because So. Much. Change. I remember that's all it takes really. And He reminds with with solid truth. Solid words that have held me for more years than it feels like I want to count. He has the plan, not me. It's not for my destruction although I have been in places that felt like the very breath had been stolen from my body. It's for my good. Even the hardest days are Romans 8:28 days. And so much lately with Genesis 50:20. People can mean things for harm can't they? Not have our best interest. Not have good intentions. But God uses all that for good. All of it. Even the worst parts of it. He doesn't throw away the bruised spots. I'm thankful for every day He's has brought me through. I'm thankful that I have learned so much along the way. And I'm thankful He loves me way to much to let me set for too long. There is so much to do. And He's got a plan. My answer need only be yes and amen. Thankful.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
This year is slipping by so very quietly and unassuming. Such big changes yet I'm taking them all in quietly. I used to let them drown me. All the fears rushing in at once. Now I have learned to stand quietly and let them crash loudly all around because like the waves of water that come, loud crashes and roars, the gentlest of water washes up to your feet. So much He has given me. So many changes. So very much taken but even more given to replace and it is humbling. And that's beautiful. I learned to stoop low in the beginning. I learned that small isn't a place where you stay. It's a place you return to quiet your very soul. To hear His words when things aren't so very small anymore. Yes, those days don't stay forever. It's purpose served. It's forever embedded in my heart. Thankful.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
The cold bit into me as I ran. I saw the million stars shining as I did. It's been a long long while since I ran in that place on a cold winter night. Over three years. Funny how all of a sudden He called me back round to a thing I had pretty much been okay with doing a different way. And being there on that night, well, I just couldn't help but remember. I feel as though I have slightly lost sight of the girl that I fought so hard to find. But that air and that place, it all came right back. I've had the best and worst moments of my life there in the past few years. My defining moments. It's what God used to change everything for me. It was my salvation and my hiding place. It's where I met people who would change my life forever. It's where I was when the bottom fell out. It's where I was heading to, years later, when God opened the door of my heart again. Those stars, that sky, that ground, have seen my best and my worst I have cried a million tears and said a million prayers looking up, and face down. It is where I learned that the physical and the spiritual in my life are very intertwined. It's what helped make me, me. It's where I learned to run. It saved me while He broke me. I ran it last night thinking oh how the years change everything. Especially me. And while I stopped looking back a while ago, because so much amazing is ahead of me, I did look at the girl that was. And I wanted to tell her that this horrible awful beautiful ride would make her so much more than she ever dreamed. She would loose so very much. But she would gain so very much more. So much more. Every tear caught. Every prayer heard. And under that same night sky I smiled again. Thankful.
Sunday, January 3, 2016
I came across a sermon today, one by TD Jakes. The reference to Joel 2:25 caught my attention. Has it really been almost 4 years.....yes it has. I never belived I would survive much less have what I have today. He trusted me with trouble. He knew what I was capable of when I did not. He knew what it would take to change me, to pull me out of the desperate place I found myself. He trusted me. It's hard to wrap my mind around those agonizingly slow days. The ones with no end and no answer. But for the Hand of God..... So I sit here in the very same spot and older wiser girl. One changed in ways that most never experience. That's a gift. I have learned to see it as such. All that was lost will be restored. Just wait, trust and go forward. Thankful.