Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Firm Foundation

The Wise and Foolish Builders

46 “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? 47 As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. 48 They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49 But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”

This verse struck me the other day as I was reading.  Everything in our lives depends on our foundation.  What are we rooted in, what ground are we based upon.....our foundation.  Mine was leveled last year.  Not that it wasnt already in complete and total disrepair....but God sent in the wrecking crew. 

I looked up how to test the foundation of a house.  I was actually a bit surprised that it seems very similar to the way I believe God is testing my foundation.  He would need to....check for any cracks, look for any weak spots, check for "settling" because every house settles, but the degree of that is what foundation it is built upon.

And that has been my issue of late.  God testing my "foundation" and me pushing through knowing that I dont want to settle, I want the best, the strongest foundation I can possibly have for this new dream, this new life He is calling me to. His "plans" for my structure promise to be good, not harmful and will give me a hope and a future..(Jeremiah 29:11) and He kind of sent me off promising to show me where this foundation would be put (Genesis 12:1) and I don't know the way other than to trust His leading....

I am seeing more and more this beautiful progression, the strength that He has laid upon the very core of who I am.  And it amazes me, and I stand in awe at times and think "who is that girl?!?!" It's me....the me He's creating me to be.  The me I have always been, but been too afraid to show.  Yet here she is and I think His creation is amazing :) And I'm blessed that He loves me so very much.  I am waiting for the day this foundation is tested and approved and ready to hold the beautiful structure He wants to place on it. 

Monday, January 28, 2013

Pushing The Limits

As I was praying this morning, I realized that this place I find myself passing through is not unfamiliar.  I have been here before.  So what did I learn....and what is He speaking to me?  That this feeling, this uncomfortableness that is so stubornly hanging on is acutally stretching.  He's stretching me.  And so I began thinking about that as I prayed.  When we stretch, we are usually preparing our muscles for what is to come, or we might also be stretching them after something really hard, to prevent tightning and hardness setting in.  I'm a runner.  Both make sense to me. 

So as I am seeking His answer for this, for where I am, He shows me that actually both apply.  The last few days were hard.  I had to exercise my faith and that muscle was SORE.  It got used!  And this stretching that He has been doing since then has been to keep reminding me He's here. There are times when I have had a hard run, that when I get done if I do not stretch, my muscles retract, they want to pull back.  He doesn't want that for us in our spiritual walk.  So this stretching, and it has been so uncomfortable, has been to keep my faith pliable, moldable, able to stretch and bend.

Because the other side of stretching is to prepare your muscles FOR something.  To do more, to go further, to push harder to BE what is was made to be.  So as much as the stretching helps me keep the strength I have already gained, it also is preparing me to hold more.  More blessing, more responsibility, more go out there and be what He created me to be.

God tells us in Matthew, Mark & Luke about wineskins.....
17 Neither is new wine put in old wineskins; for if it is, the skins burst and are torn in pieces, and the wine is spilled and the skins are ruined. But new wine is put into fresh wineskins, and so both are preserved.
God can't put all the new into a faith that is old and small.  We couldn't handle it.  We would be destroyed.  If you had tried to put me, who I am today, into the girl I was a year ago, I would not have fit!  So through, these trials and testing, He stretches us, changes us, to be able to hold all that He has planned for us.  But stretching sometimes hurts and causes pain in order to eventually get ourselves, our faith, our "muscles" to the place they need to be in order to perform the thing they were made to do. 
And He also showed me that for some things, as they stretch, they become less, more transparent, showing more of what is on the inside.  If you stretch glass further and further it becomes more and more transparent, able to better show the contents it holds and also able to hold more of the contents.  And that's what He wants from me.  To stretch the limits of my faith, of my belief.  To fill me with Him so that I am less and He is more.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

3 Letter Word

Romans 8:28.  God works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  All.  That one little word leaves nothings out.  Everything.  It's all interwoven.  That's a difficult concept to grasp.  Especially when I sit in here with a lawn mower out there that will not crank and I have no idea how to make it do so.  If I believe Him, He will make this work for my good.  This. ALL.'s on the days that don't make sense and everything seems like it is going in the wrong direction and I am screaming on the inside COME ON God!!!!  I am just one really tiny little girl here.  What are You doing to me?!?!?!  Can ANYTHING be easy ever again?!?!

That's grumbling, it's fear...that leads to dread, that takes my focus off who He is.  And I loose my peace.  And I loose my joy.  Because yet again, I have lost control.  And I have to fully rely on a God who I have come face to face with.  And it's the smallest of things, that open up the emotions I hide about the bigger things.  Because I need so badly to belive that He is enough, esepcially on these days when it feels like my world is falling apart again.  All things.  All circumstance.  All situations.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Hand To The Plow

He showed me today, that first cut, that first moment, when He began to till the soil of my depserate heart.  Dry, cracked, dead....who would ever believe that something could live here, could come up from this ground.  I believe I could tell you the exact second He struck that first blow.  It literally dropped me to my knees.  And it wounded and it hurt and it broke apart everything I was.  It was the beginning.  And even on the days I felt like I was being wounded over and over, nothing remained of what once was before, slowly the ground of my heart began to soften slowly He planted His word deep in the soil of my heart.

And then it began to grow.

And He's whipsering to me what He has said for so long.  What seems completely impossible...but you reap...your harvest...what you sow.  If you plant a potato, you get a potato.  If you sow God's word into your life and into your heart, why, why , why, would I believe He would give me anything other than what He planted?? 

So I'm taking that chance, believing against all odds....He is who He says He is. 



Monday, January 21, 2013

At All Cost....

So this is risky. It's CRAZY! You want me to WHAT Lord?? I think I snorted when it made me laugh....out loud. Now?

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord. So shall My word be that goes forth out of My mouth: it shall not return to Me void [without producing any effect, useless], but it shall accomplish that which I please and purpose, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. (Isaiah 55:8, 11 AMP)

And this is risky. It goes against everything that "feels" right. But what is the worst that can happen? I'm praying. Even if it's in the wrong direction He will guide me if I continually keep my eyes on Him. Because if I'm reading this correctly, His word does not return void. I'm claiming His word, His promises. And at the very least, my prayers will change me.

Because that is one thing I have learned on this journey of mine. Our prayers for others settle deep in our hearts and change us at the core of who we are. The prayers we choke out that are painful and hard and seem to rub us the total wrong way...praying for those who hurt us and use us....they eventually change us regardless of how God chooses to use them in the life of the one being lifted up.

So I'm stepping out of the boat. I'm asking Him to tell me it's Him, but I already know. His sheep know His voice. He says "come to Me". Over the side I go....

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


Just in case you were wondering....if today you were questioning....and you find yourself here reading, I'm gonna tell you what is on my heart today.  And I hope it helps, I hope you laugh, cry, shout, jump or whatever it is you do whenever you know that you know God speaks....that promise in your heart, that bubble of hope and confidence in His word that will NOT go away....keep praying.  When the road is so long and this night is way darker than you had ever imagined it would be, keep praying.  When it looks like there is no hope in sight and that dream is sooooo dead....keep praying.  If He put it there, there is a reason.  If He will not remove i,t even in the face of looking completely ridiculous...keep praying.  Just keep praying.

Luke 1:37

Amplified Bible (AMP)
37 For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

He Goes Before Me

Why am I afraid? Afraid to say it.  Because if I say it, then maybe I have to be it.  If I say it, maybe people will think I'm prideful or THAT girl..  What if I'm thinking too much of myself, expecting way more than I ever should..... but I believe it, I believe what He says and I don't want to settle for good enough this time.  I BELIEVE in His best because I have a passion to share it with others.  I know how the narrow road led me this past year...but I am trying to gather the strength to follow it further still....into the unknown again.  And it scares me.  And I doubt.  And I stand still and grit my teeth and close my eyes.  But I can't stay here....

Deuteronomy 31:8
Amplified Bible (AMP)
8 It is the Lord Who goes before you; He will [march] with you; He will not fail you or let you go or forsake you; [let there be no cowardice or flinching, but] fear not, neither become broken [in spirit—depressed, dismayed, and unnerved with alarm].
Because He says so.. and His words are true even if my doubts are screaming they can't possibly be.  Because He keeps His promises....Because God can't lie.  Ever. 
Luke 1:37
Amplified Bible (AMP)
37 For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment.
So I want to take that chance, take that risk...that may cost me everything, but then again it's all His anyways.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013


I'm a planner.  It gives me comfort.  Security.  And a very false sense of where my life is headed.  This past year was nothing like I had planned.  Nothing.  You could not have picked a time where I would have ever seen this past year as a part of my life in my wildest dreams.  Yet is was my life.  And as I stand looking at this new year, these days and weeks ahead I get a little fearful.  How Lord? What in the world because I certainly have NO idea what You want me to do.  But as I look back over the last 12 months, I realize something.  Last year at this time, breathing was pretty much my priority everyday.  That's it.  My prayer life consisted of me crying for hours on end just saying "God help".  And He did.  And even in the midst of my darkest days where nothing made sense and I could not tell you what the next hour would hold, He led me on this journey.  Somehow, without my planning a second of it, here I am.

Day by day, minute by minute, step by step.....So today as I sit here admittedly trying to figure out what in the world He could possibly be doing now I remember....MY plan didn't get me here.  His did.  His revelation.  His guidance.  Even on the days where it seems that there was no purpose in anything I was doing. Here I am.  Such a different and changed girl.  Such amazing things He did when I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, following the tugs on my heart that led me into a deeper need for Him and in doing so created streams in a dry desert so long abandoned by me. He spoke so fiercely to my heart the other day, answering my hearts cry yet again.  What Lord?? HOW??

Isaiah 43:18-19
New Living Translation (NLT)
18 “But forget all that—
it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
19 For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
And then again today and I questioned Him again
Joshua 1:9
Amplified Bible (AMP)
9 Have not I commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The Desires of Our Hearts..

The answer to a prayer came at the midnight hour....literally.  And it was the smallest of prayers, but one that had been on my mind and one I had felt God saying just wait....just settle down....and so I did.  It took me a little while to decide to change it.  Then I did.  Then it sat because I knew what I wanted, but I didn't have anything and what I had already would not fit!  Settle down.  Be still.  So I said ok.  And I just said a prayer and left it.

And at midnight, tired and dragging with every ounce of me just wanting to crawl into bed...I saw it.  And it was the most beautiful thing I had seen in so long!  And it is what I wanted! And it was PERFECT.  It was what I asked for but I had no idea!!  It was better than what I had dreamed or imagined......and I had no idea it had ever even was created without my ever knowing and brought to me at just the right time.  An answer to prayer, made months in advance, delivered at just the right time.  Not late, not early.  When I was completely ready and I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was God alone who heard the tiniest of concerns and was concerned to meet my every need.  In HIS timing and that is what makes it the most beautiful.  And it is what reminds me today that He hears and His answers are perfect and beautiful and worth the wait.

Monday, January 7, 2013


God speaks to me a bathrooms. He's not choosy. Any stall will do. Why? I have asked myself that question many times. Perhaps it's the one place He can speak when I'm still. When I pretty much can't run from what He is about to say.

Today was no different. He spoke words that I so desperately needed to hear. And I could let the tears fall and take it all in quietly. And let it settle.

I spend so much time with my jaw clenched, my fist tight...waiting for the other shoe to drop. Knowing He's forgotten. Wondering if He remembers what He promised.

He does. And it's in those quiet times where He can catch me off guard He whispers....Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you. And I can only let it pierce my heart because I am there wrapped in His the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and I wonder what He sees. How differently He must view the girl I am looking at.

I am hoping for a day that perhaps He won't have to catch me of guard, corral my restless heart and I can learn to trust completely, the first time. No question. Until that day finally arrives I suppose the bath room is a good a place as any.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

A Child Shall Lead Them.....

Prayer.  As church ended on what was a very stirring service today, our pastor’s wife invited anyone who needed it to come up and seek prayer.  People were waiting to pray with you.  It was a fleeting thought.  Maybe….but no.  It’s not me.  I don’t share much these days publicly.  This has been a hard year.  A year of loss, pain, and in some ways complete devastation.  But from that has come strength, faith, hope and a growth in my spiritual walk that I fear could have come in no other way.  So I ponder this.  And I walk my note to the foot of the cross and I lay it down again to the only One who truly knows the depth of what He is asking me to do.
And when I return, she isn’t there.  My child.  Not where she once stood.  And then I see her, that beautiful girl of 16 who has had her faith tested this year as well.  I see her standing with our pastor in prayer.  And I can think of no other thing than to go to my child.  I see her tears.  I see my child asking for prayer.  And in that moment as I go to her, nothing else matters but her.  And I’m standing there beside her, ready to be there, her protector since the moment she was conceived.  She dosen’t know it, what my thoughts towards her are.  How fierce my love for her is, what mountains I would move for her in an instant.  I stand there silent.  Watching.  This is her moment.  She grew.  Her faith became stronger.  She heeded His calling.
How many times has He done that for me? He’s there the instant I am in need.  Standing beside me.  All the protection I will ever need ready and waiting.  But letting me grow.  Letting me do the hard work.  Knowing that there isn’t one second He can’t rescue me, but watching these things grow my faith. 
As it turns out, He did mean for me to receive prayer.  As I stood watching this amazing young woman turn a corner, God reached out in the quietest of ways to me.  Our pastors wife said “what is it? What are you holding onto that you need to release?” and in that moment, I knew that He had provided what I needed as well.  A gentle word, an “ok” to lay it down again, to speak my heart and have someone agree with me in prayer.
My child heard God speaking to her heart and she ran.  God heard his child crying out in her heart and He ran….

Saturday, January 5, 2013

And I Run.....

I'm a runner.  I run.  I've run in different ways my entire life.  Away from things that were hard, then into the arms of God.  Away from His will for my life and down my own path, then right back to Him again.  I'm also a runner in the physical sense.  I run for me.  I run for a purpose.  I run for results. I run because I have become conditioned to do so.  And I have become strong.

This past year found me running in ways I never dreamed.  A year ago, my entire world crashed to the ground.  As I cried out to God I realized I had actually been running back into His arms when the bottom fell out.  I had a choice.  To run away or run to.  And so began my most painful and amazing journey. 

When I run, the first few miles find me trying to find any way possible to stop or get out of it.  The same has been true of this jounrey of mine.  But then I settle and I breathe and my legs feel the strength that they have and I know I can continue.  When I get to the end and I look back, I am never sorry I didn't stop.  Never sorry I choose the hills.  And when I look back at this year, I'm not sorry I didn't quit and I'm not sorry God chose this path for me because I have to believe the outcome, the ending will be nothing short of amazing.