Sunday, May 29, 2016
It's beautiful out. It's the holiday weekend. This month that has left me exhausted yet again seems to be finding its way to an end. And this journey that has taken up so many years of my life seems to be finally coming to an end as well. I am so very ready. For a time it was all buried. I don't think I realized how much I still lived in fear. And when it all came crashing down again I began to have to face it. It's been a year of that. Facing fear, pressing through. Doing hard things that felt impossible. Yes, it's been quite a year. I think He needed to change me, to grow me, so I could come face to face with the horror and not let it destroy me once again. So I could make the choice I needed to make. Feeling the anger isn't wrong. Letting it change you, control you, well that is. There is so much ahead of me. So much goodness. I can feel it bubbling up. I can feel it with anticipation. And it makes me smile. I have so very much to be thankful for. I came across the 27th psalm this morning. My favorite one...the Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear...I am still confident of this. I WILL see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living..yes. I will. He is faithful. Thankful.
Friday, May 27, 2016
It's a quiet morning. After a long week, I'm letting it settle in. I have realized along this road there are questions that perhaps will never have answers. Things I will just never understand. And I'm deciding that it is ok. I look around at what I do have. I look around at what survived and came from the fire. And I realize that there are some days that we need only pick one thing to be grateful for let that be the focus. God loves me enough to never give up on me. He never quit. He walked me through a decade of literal hell. And I came out the other side. Different. Changed. And there are those with their words that want to tie you down and bind you up to make you small. To keep you from becoming. And those are the days I turn my headphones up just a little louder. And I run just a little faster. That girl doesn't live here anymore. And fear has no place. Thankful.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Somehow it just turned into the day that I realized I was right where I needed to be. I was in the place He wanted me. This was my calling. And all the things that make me doubt and all the things that keep me awake and all the things that make me feel like I'm not enough, somehow all those things fade and I know. Every experience, every long day, everything that made me wonder why, it had a purpose. And I have not arrived and I still surely battle on the hard days, but I am learning that God's grace, His mercy, is new. Every morning without fail. Get back up baby girl. It's a new day. And there is so much to be done. Thankful.