Friday, June 30, 2017
Today is the very first day of no rain. I was cautiously optimistic. I saw brightness peeking through and prayed that just maybe....after three weeks of this, maybe some sun. And then it came. In all its steamy glory. And I put on sunglasses and asked my boy to set my chair for me. These days of slow moving and healing inside and out have more to do with my heart than I'd like to admit. He got everything just so and watched me sit down. 10 minutes. 10 beautiful minutes in the warm soaking heat. I was sweating by the time I made it in but I didn't care. I pulled a book off the shelf and began re-reading it again. It has been a few years, but I quickly realize..... It shall be one of those books. Yes. The words hit me all at once and I know. Tears fall in place of the raindrops...... Because those words He has been whispering all along the way of this path of late. There. They. Are. Forget those former things....the past... I'm doing something new, don't you see it?!? And I do. I do see it. Like sunlight piercing through deep veiled blinds I do. And as I have let go of quite a bit this week He holds my hand and whispers.... I've got a plan....thankful.
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
They scared me the very most. The scars. But as I settled in to this things that I knew I needed to do I was reminded...I do have scars. All that has been the last few years, leading me here. Making me able to do what I needed. A big door shutting. The definite no. The end of something...and the scars to prove it. Yes, I have walked such the similar path, with scars on my heart, yet somehow it made me more able to live. More able to appreciate. More able to go forward in spite of fear. In spite of these new scars, I feel better. I'm thankful that He set me in just the right place at just the right time to do what I have needed to do really for quite sometime. I let go of the fear keeping me from being healthy and making the hard choice to loose something only to gain a better life. Funny how we hold on so very long to what is, wanting to keep all the things out of fear. Holding on to the toxic, life draining things, because without them, well, there is the unknown. There is loss. But then again, there is such gain on the other side. I'm learning to give myself grace in this. The process. The healing. And all that is to come. Thankful.