Monday, July 28, 2014

Wherever You Go

Joshua 1:9

It greets me every morning.  It’s the first one I received.  It was a verse that I had whispered often.  It’s one that reminds me day in and day out, He’s with me.  On the days I don’t see it and on the days I do.  When I don’t feel it and when I know He is right beside me.  On the days I feel like I’m sprinting and also on the days when giving up feels like the right thing to do.  That letter in the mail, the written words, time spent thinking of someone you may not even know.  Yet God placed them in your path for just that moment.  To share your words, to be a messenger, to bring a smile…or maybe the words that just might change everything.  Yes, His Word does not return void sweet sister and not one of us is ordinary.  His word shared over and over means so many different things to the one who receives it.  A word in season from one to the next, planting seeds wherever it might land.  Thankful.

Sunday, July 27, 2014


This day did not begin quite the way I had planned.  I found myself shaking my head, wondering, how Lord? How do I navigate this.  The unrest inside gave way to tangible frustration.  Expectations piling themselves heavy on my shoulders, so I just called it quits.  Enough is enough.  My grass cutting came to an abrupt halt and the churning of thoughts reminding me just how alone I feel in all this, screamed at me loudly.....ear plugs can only guard from the noises outside, not those that come from the heart.  And so I just decided to do the next thing, it was the only thing to do.  And very real prayers gave way to very real confessions of a girl who is swimming in a sea of exhaustion and unsure steps.  And then he came, he did.  Unexpectedly.  I had all but given up on any help arriving, but he came.  And dicussing the ills plaguing my plans to keep it all up on my own, well my plans, they just didn't quite come to pass.  That's alright, it is.  Things, little things, got completed.  Things perhaps none would notice but me.  Cutting ties that bind.....ties that have held things long since dead.....gone.  And when he left, we were one step closer to where we need to be.  And the heat of the day gave way to my complete exhaustion.  And I lay on the mattress size float, surrounded by green and blue and breeze.....and I prayed. Give me Your wisdom in this because I am so so lost.....and the wrestling stopped.  Sleep settled hard and dreamless.  And I woke to clear blue skies and a breeze and the words in quietness and trust are your strength.....Yes.  The quiet I have been so trying to outrun.  Yet it's in those moments as of late He answers, He moves.  And so I settle, even if it's ever so slightly, under the weight of this He has called me to right now.  No one ever said new was easy, without risk.  But the alternative, well, there are things worse than quiet.  And so I settle yet again.  Thankful.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

5 Minute Friday - Finish

Finish. The word took my breath too. Because this is the time where I'm here. I'm beginning the .1 .....and oh my, what a journey. Just one leg of this race it has been, yes. My longest best friend in the whole of this earth left on Monday. I knew God wouldn't let her leave until the end of this journey had arrived. Because He brought her home before we ever knew. She arrived in advance of its beginning. My original hand holder she was. Yes. He would not let her go until it was over. And then she moved on to her big adventure. And here I am finishing this one.....and I know that just means on to the next thing He has. You see this finish just brought new beginnings. It has shown me that yes, yes, I can. This space helped me find my words, helped me become who He created me to be. Finished. Oh how I waited for this. Now the new hard work begins but it is ever so worth it. And I am always, always, thankful.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

God Sized

Join me today over at God Sized Dreams

Sunday, July 20, 2014

5 Minute Friday - Bloom

So I've typed posts that didn't even get published. My follow through seems lacking. My written word seems choppy at best and I can't understand why things aren't flowing. They seems to be tornadicly swirling if I'm honest. So this word, bloom. It put me at a loss. Bloom. What can I say that doesn't sound like a really bad version of a hallmark card?  Then I looked up the definition.

state or period of greatest beauty, freshness, or vigor.
come into or be in full beauty or health; flourish.

To flourish. To come into. And as hard as these days are, I'm coming into the fullness of His promises. I can't even tell you what that means exactly. It's just I know. Blooming is the hard part. I've become so accustom to the storm that the sun feels foreign to me. And it's not so easy. Bloom. Thankful. 


Funny where He meets you. For me many times it involves cutting the grass. Sitting here in my space seeing so much still undone....feeling so much still undone....He always shows up. And it gets quiet. Maybe because I let myself just stop to take a breath. And He fills this space. This space that has held me through it all. And I see the beauty of its imperfections. Perhaps it's a bit like me. Maybe I'm ok going between two churches right now. Because one, it saved me and the other gives me something else I'm needing too. Maybe right now it's less about how many times I can make it there and more about how many times my drives to and from work become worship for me. Each season is different. Maybe I just need to let all this settle in. Because I'm learning even when we get it all wrong, it's not. I confused dates, which is soooo not me. And the last time this happened God was moving big. So with wet hair and mascara I ran as fast as I could. Even if for a little while. And they loved me as if I had never been away for such a long time. And I loved them right back. And maybe those are the places God moves in and heals, those deep hurts that we don't even remember exist.  Sometimes we need to know that we can come to the party, even if it's late, even without our best face and perfect hair....we are loved just the way we come.  Sometimes you don't know you needed healing until you walk away different. Changed.  Thankful.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

I See the Moon, the Moon Sees Me

I stood balancing.  The water barely covering my feet at times and I felt soaked in grace.  The moon was visible all day long.  The humidity low, sky was blue, water calm and there was a tangible peace.  This was the biggest holiday to celebrate in our family next to Christmas.  And the last two years have found me dreading its arrival like the plague.  2012 found us all an emotional wreck and tears won out as we didn't make it very long.  Last year this day found me trying to find my place, where I fit in and who I even was. But this year, we were there.  My girl, my boy and the dog child.  All back at the place where memories were made year after year.  And we made new ones.  And in the loss we experienced as a family, I see new growth in places that makes me smile.  My girl rode off on a jet ski....such a grown up girl she is becoming. I see so much of my boy's personality in generations the preceded him.  It makes me understand him more and see all the goodness in him.  And I saw my dog child get a little playful and wear himself out even though he followed his mama everywhere she went :)  We remember still, yes.  But the pain, it is subsiding.  And it gives way to pockets of hope and expectation.

I made many trips on the paddle board yesterday.  Breathing.  Looking at all that I am blessed with. Choosing to be grateful for what I have in this moment and not anxious for what I feel is still missing. Sometimes coming home takes longer than we ever expected.  Detours come, some of our own making and some divine.  I made it.  And I see others making it too.  Funny thing is we all set out and circled right back round, we did.  Yes we did.  Home is not a place, it's who you are with.  Who you do life with.  The where, not so very important when your soul is settled in the place He set you.  Thankful.

6 God places the lonely in families;
    he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.
Psalm 68:6 NLT

Friday, July 4, 2014


It's Friday and I'm breathing.  Two very good things.  The adjustment of all the new is settling in and the pressing of sore sport is ever present.  I have been uncomfortable as of late.  This stretching has left me feeling less that myself at times.  Thankfully so.  It took me a really long time to see that not everything that is hard or that comes my way is the enemy trying to trip me up.  Not that I think for a minute that there isn't a battle always waging.  Most times I realize his subtle was of whispering what I want to hear, what would make me feel better.  But I think more often these days the pressing comes from the One Who desires to show me the weak spots.  He reveals the things that are sore and tender and still need much healing.  The two things are very different.  There is the one who covers...and then there is the One Who reveals so it can be uncovered and healed.  This pressing reminds me of all the old that has been my fall back, my default. And those things just won't do anymore.  Like a sore muscle, a knot, the pressing releases what is bound. The pressing, even through some immediate pain and discomfort, gives way to relief and freedom and healing.

It's been an interesting week.  Yet another day of memories that has proven itself difficult.  But the pressing is slowly giving way to the release of what binds.  It's uncomfortable.  It has not been without tears.  As I sat outside last night, letting the exhaustion of my week go, my girl asked me....are you alright?  Yes, I answered her. I am somehow quite alright.  And the words pass between us easily.  The strength of the ties that bind are always evident.  How He has changed us all so very much.  How this stretching, like all of it, is just a preparation.  Thankful.

5 Minute Friday - Exhale

Joining Lisa Jo and the girls....5 minutes, no edits, no re-writes and love those that came before...


Exhale...letting it go, letting it out.  I read the word and I did physically let out a breath.  Permission.  Just let it go.  Let it bust at the seams, let it all fall apart, let it shatter into a million pieces.  Exhale is followed by inhale.  The letting go, the emptying out the clearing of the way has to happen for the intake, for the new, for the bringing in of fresh and life giving and filling.  I'm in a place of exhale.  I feel a bit hollow and deflated. The emptying.  And after thinking on this for a bit..well, my verse this morning, the one He's been whispering all week settled in and I knew.  Deep breath out baby take a deep breath in....Thankful.

But forget all that—
    it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
19 For I am about to do something new.
    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
    I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
Isaiah 43: 18-19 NLT

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Wet Feet

I knew they would come back.  I just has no idea when, how or what they would be.  Today is my day 1 again.  I love day ones.  Over the past couple of days He has been whispering....answers to things that I have been asking.  Answering questions that really only open doors to greater questions...but still.  Wait...and wet feet.  This struck me so is sticking to me like real answers do.  A short devotional story from Max Lucado's book Grace.  It speaks of Jesus and the Last Supper.  Jesus, doing what He was called to God's love through service, through the breaking, through the tasks that no one wants to do, but that sometimes we must in order for God's will to be revealed....

"Jesus -- CEO, head coach, king of the world, sovereign of the seas -- washed feet.

Even Judas. The lying, conniving, greedy rat who sold Jesus down the river for a pocket of cash. Jesus won't wash his feet, will he? Sure hope not. If he washes the feet of his Judas, you will have to wash the feet of yours. Your betrayer. That ne'er-do-well, that good-for-nothing villain. Jesus' Judas walked away with thirty pieces of silver. Your Judas walked away with your virginity, security, spouse, job, child- hood, retirement, investments

You expect me to wash his feet and let him go?

Most people don't want to. They use the villain’s photo as a dart target. Their Vesuvius blows up every now and again, sending hate airborne, polluting and stinking the world. Most people keep a pot of anger on low boil.

But you aren't "most people." Grace has happened to you. Look at your feet. They are wet, grace soaked. Your toes and arches and heels have felt the cool basin of God's grace. Jesus has washed the grimiest parts of your life. He didn't bypass you and carry the basin toward someone else. If grace were a wheat field, he's bequeathed you the state of Kansas. Can't you share your grace with others?

"Since I, the Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other's feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you" (John 13:14–15 NLT).

To accept grace is to accept the vow to give it."

Yes, I'm not standing here with lightly watered feet, no.....I'm up to my ears in it.  Soaked in His grace and forgiveness.  How can you not call to another, extending a hand to help them to also step into this great ocean of His love and forgiveness?  It's not mine to pick what He should do, who He should send along side. If I am busy washing the feet of those He does send, then I am not towering over in comparison.  I am set low and looking at what makes us all the same...hands and feet.  Thankful.