Sunday, March 5, 2017

Five Minute Friday: Purpose

It's been a while so here it goes...Five Minute Friday.  No edits just write.

PURPOSE: Go

I have been questioning my purpose these days.  What all of it means.  Such a different place than I ever supposed, but here I am in brand new territory again.  All the things that I once believed were my purposed have shifter.  But I beginning to understand that seams come and they go.  And what we learned from the last becomes new purposed for the new.  My workouts have changed, my love of food and how I share that has changed.  My job and coworkers have changed also.  And my family is a lot different too.   None of these things did I ever expect.  Yet somehow, I see God's purpose in them.  Some easier to understand than others.  They all have purpose.  And while some days I try desperately to figure out His hand in these things I remember, He is working them all for my good.  My job is to seek Him.  And some days that looks different than others.  That's okay too.  I'm still that girl running after His heart.  He taught me that.  And perhaps that's the purpose of all of this.  Thankful.

Stop.

Sunday


It's been quite the while since I've written typed words and quite the while since I have run on the outside.  I decided this weekend I would do both.  I realized as I ran the roads I had become so accustom to, much has changed in the scenery.  And I remembered as I ran, how many days I had traveled those exact same roads, but the feelings....they are so very different.  A couple years back, a friend who had walked a similar road to me had come out of the other side and was in a different place.  She said "I can't run like I used to.  It frustrates me.  I'm not angry anymore". At the time I couldn't quite wrap my mind around her words.  But yesterday when they came to mind, I smiled.  I don't run like I used to anymore either.  Running literally saved me.  Mentally, spiritually, physically, it was my out.  It was how I could pour out my heart and emotions and lay prayer after prayer on those roads.  Miles and miles of tears and words and breathing and the ability to make it one more day.  God gave me that precious gift.  My manna.  It sustained me.  As I ran yesterday I didn't feel that push, that strain that need for air.  I ran slower and took more time.  I was taking things in more than letting them out.  Same for my words I suppose.  Their purpose also so very different.  I used to pour my heart out in my writing and blogging.  It saved me too.  God gave purpose to them and He taught me how to use them in ways that would build up and not tear down.  Suffice to say, that is always an area for improvement.  It's been over five years since the bottom fell out.  Since my life as I knew it was destroyed.  Since the very answer to my prayers was the complete destruction of what I knew.  I lost so much.  But I gained so much more.  There are the ones that I miss daily and that are a constant in my prayers.  But just like God promised me that March morning, literal weeks after the destruction came...Joel 2:25.  And He is reminding me lately so very much, look around baby girl....I know you see it...yes.  I do.  The literal way back restorations coming forward.  Perhaps no one else would even notice.  But I do.  The tiniest of things, restored.  All brand new.  And I can't help but be terrified and excited all at the same time.  I keep asking for a road map....He keeps shaking His head a bit I'm sure.  Because He know the plans He has for me...and that is all that really matters.  Thankful.

Monday, January 23, 2017

Settle

It's been quite the while since I've written. I still write in my journal, the way I have for the last five years. But this past year was quite different. It was a year of great transition and upheaval and change. It was just hard. That's not to say that beauty hasn't come from so much of that or that hard is necessarily bad. I'm just exhausted way down deep in my soul. All the things that kept me going for such a long time just don't anymore. All the things that made sense seem a bit cloudy these days. I find myself in this new year craving quiet. Wanting so much to let my heart settle in to this life that has been given to me. I'm finding the deepest need to love and care for those right close to me. I miss so much days and afternoons of coming home before everyone and cooking and caring for my home. Here last few weeks have felt full and rushed. Some night I haven't gotten home before time to jump right into bed only to do it again the next morning. And that's not sustainable. That's not who I am. This year feels ever like the need to clean out and weed out and simplify. To take stock of all that is. To rest up and gather to myself all the things necessary to go forward. Writing has a different purpose for me now. I'm not even sure what. Just different. And that's okay. It will come just the way it did before. It's a part of me. Part of who I am. Necessary. Thankful.