5

This is the fifth year that I have walked this road. The one I didn't choose. The one I never wanted. The one that changed me and made me who I am today. Blessings inside of destruction. This is the 4th year I have walked standing on my own. Learning that I can do hard things. That they won't destroy me. This is the third year that everything stopped looking like what it was that carried me through those days of becoming. Where things fell away again and I was left standing still. This is the second year when things began again. A new life unfolded. And I moved on into this new life. This is the first year of a journey that is just beginning. It's hard and I have no idea what's coming. And most days I want to run. Because fear....well, we are old friends. But not this time. No. Thankful. 

Low

It's a slow process for me. This healing. And if I'm honest, the heal required a whole lot more breaking than I imagined. She texted out of the blue. I knew then it was a set up. God's own. He does that. I smiled. Remember? She asked. I surely do. And these string of days that are quiet they aren't an accident. It's just the uncovering of many months of healing. The beginning when the brand new strong places are still soft. But they are ready to be uncovered. Ready for light. Ready to go forward. Healed. Fresh eyes. New perspective. But the history that helped make you who you are today. He brings us what we need when we go forward. Not necessarily what we want. I've been resistant to some things of late. And I know it's His own timing. So much new ahead and it scares me. I know I can't possibly do this. Perhaps that's the whole point. He calls us to the impossible. And He reveals His strengths in our weaknesses. Back round. Humbled under His hand. I am familiar now with this. And though it slightly gives me pause I know this time. I know. The girl who gets up from this is not the same. Thankful.