Settle

It's been quite the while since I've written. I still write in my journal, the way I have for the last five years. But this past year was quite different. It was a year of great transition and upheaval and change. It was just hard. That's not to say that beauty hasn't come from so much of that or that hard is necessarily bad. I'm just exhausted way down deep in my soul. All the things that kept me going for such a long time just don't anymore. All the things that made sense seem a bit cloudy these days. I find myself in this new year craving quiet. Wanting so much to let my heart settle in to this life that has been given to me. I'm finding the deepest need to love and care for those right close to me. I miss so much days and afternoons of coming home before everyone and cooking and caring for my home. Here last few weeks have felt full and rushed. Some night I haven't gotten home before time to jump right into bed only to do it again the next morning. And that's not sustainable. That's not who I am. This year feels ever like the need to clean out and weed out and simplify. To take stock of all that is. To rest up and gather to myself all the things necessary to go forward. Writing has a different purpose for me now. I'm not even sure what. Just different. And that's okay. It will come just the way it did before. It's a part of me. Part of who I am. Necessary. Thankful.