In The Returning

I had no desire to come back.  I had purposed that I was done with this season, this chapter, this way of words.  But He had other plans.  The last few months for me have been a leveling of sorts, creating a hollow space again.  As I faced challenges that I really never dreamed I would, I saw He was drawing me back and perhaps this time, for different reason.  Everything I was hearing, reading, listening to, talked about our responsibility to share our words....our stories.  Especially with our children, so not only would we remember, but so that they would know.  Who we are, how we were shaped and how God is in every detail.  It was as my youngest faced the biggest challenge of his young life to date, I began searching my own words for encouragement, for any way to show him that hard is inevitable, survivable and that God uses these things to create in us Who we are becoming.  As I searched my own journey, I found that my child wasn't alone in requiring reassurance.  Give away what you need was the very first lesson He taught me all those years ago.  And as I began to give to my child what he was desperate for, I found that my own needs were being met too. Putting words out again instead of keeping them close and safe seems very risky to me now.  What He's called me to seems out of reach and very unrealistic.  But then again, so has this entire journey.  I began it with three of us and we are still three, just not the same.  When I think I am lacking, He reminds me this is how it all began.  More than enough and very well able.  Gideon won the battle with 300.  When the odds seemed stacked against, that's when God plan was put into action.  Not what seemed like the mostly likely way to win, but in the most unlikely.  Small beginnings.  Thankful.