Gratitude

Today begins a month long stretch into the holidays. I was thinking about how very different things are. From how I grew up. My family is large on both sides. Cousins made up as siblings to my sister and I. Anticipation and excitement is what I grew up feeling. These were my favorite months. As I got older and married and had my own children so did everyone else and the celebration of holidays just grew larger. Funny how life happens. Funny how things change. I remember when my kids were small how I used to grow frustrated at having to split time in so many places....I had yet learned to be so very grateful. Unaware of what I had. We fell into new routines as time went on, still gathering. Still so much blessing. 4 years ago was the last gathering that was full. Yet even then it marked the beginning of change. These days in a row have been hollow and void. Everyone side stepping the pain and emotion. No one quite able to deal with the load it required. It caused fractures. This year everything has been stripped away. Nothing the same. Nothing standing and all of us feel the weight of choices made that brought about a change no one was truly prepared for. My word found me two years ago. The word that I wasn't looking for. The word that really sums up the lesson I have learned along this very long road. It's learning in whatever season, whatever situation, what our response should be. Even through tears and hurt and pain. On the good days and the hard days. I am thankful. It's a choice. A condition of the heart. One brought about by much toil and grief. But a lesson that brings a great reward. In all this, I will give thanks. You have never left me. Never forsaken. Always provided. Even in the most barren day. Things have shifted these days. Nothing is the same but there is a richness to the new, to the changes. I'm learning that it's okay to go forward. He's got me. And the answers will come in their own time. I only need live here, today. Thankful.