Sunday, December 13, 2015
There is a Christmas tree in my den. Not quite sure what to make of it. There hasn't been one here since 2011. That's a really long time. In 2012, we went away for Christmas. Being here seemed like more than any of us could bear. It was stress on a level I can't really put into words and when it was over I was left facing the hardest year of my life at that point. I thinks it's when I began to hate the holidays that I had once loved so very much. 2013 was a year that had shaken my world in its own way. But I determined that somehow some way we would make it. And a solitary leafless tree held 400 lights. It's branches all lit up. And some beauty found its way back home. And the kids had a fabulous Christmas. Last year the same tree made its way back in. The mantle got decorated. And although the gifts were less we had settled in. We were making a way. Lots had changed in 2014. And lots hadn't. And suffice to say, there were many things we were just over. Period. Sitting here reflecting over this last year there were huge changes in my life. Literal nothing left untouched. Many of those things were blessing and such an amazing way to see God answer prayers. Others were and continue to be, crushing examples of how not everything is gonna always make sense. Little things happen along the way that turn into big things. Things that knit us together or pull us apart. Coming out of the last two weeks has been hard. And this morning I am so very thankful that I'm mostly over all this sickness that has hung on for what feel like forever. I'm thankful that even in the strangest of ways He meets me and answers my requests that come from the heart. I'm thankful this morning for His provision. That when everything else fails He just doesn't. I find myself craving routine, memories, traditions. All the things that have been seemingly lost in the fire that devestated my life. All things burned away. Nothing left standing. And I wonder what will be in place of those ashes. Thankful.