Merry Christmas

It's Christmas morning. This is the first year in five that I have actually woken up, filled stockings and turned the tree on to signal that indeed, something has taken place. This Christmas hasn't necessarily felt like Christmas. Everything is different yet again, but mostly in a good way. Life isn't perfect. And I think as much as you have change when you are younger, marriage and children and things of that nature, eventually you have change of another sort. Christmas and Thanksgiving were huge deals in my family. My family on both sides were large. I grew up surround by aunts and uncles and cousins. We did everything with family. And things just change over the years. Watching my children grow up has been the biggest one. And things for the last few years have been a struggle. How do you celebrate when there's a hole a mile wide? This year brought a lot of healing. This year brought a lot of change. This year brought many new beginnings. This year brought Christmas back to my heart. The stockings are hung. I'm up before all with coffee. It's much safer that way :) and I get to soak in this Christmas morning that was not rushed, not dreaded, not wished away and prayed for to be done so I could escape the ever crushing feeling of not ok. Because it is ok. I am ok. We are ok. And this is a good place to be. Merry Christmas. Thankful.