Tuesday, July 4, 2017

The 4th in the 5th Year

It feels like a Saturday morning to me, yet it's Tuesday.  Half a year gone already.  I can't quite wrap my head around the speed in which time seems to be passing these day.  It's been steaming hot as of late.  I will take all the sun and steam over the last few weeks of the endless days of rain.  It's been a week of being home.  Recovering from some life changing things.  And I feared it for a long time.  Held on way passed what was feasible because, well I do that.  I'm not an easily open hands kind of girl.  I am the one that runs to Him saying....but don't You remember what You said??  What You promised?  Yes.   And if I have learned anything on this treck of mine it is that He well knows all He dropped into my heart.  It's just that it doesn't always look the way I planned.  So I clench tight my fists.  Holding on to any semblance of control I can muster.  And He stands with me, waiting, whispering, until I finally let go. 

I woke this morning feeling good.  No pain.  Like I'm finally getting back to myself again.  And it struck me, this was the hardest day of the year for me before.  This was the time we celebrated, this was our family event that rivaled Christmas.  And it looks a million times different than it ever has before.  And it is good.  And I am grateful.  I have always feared change.  And Lord knows that sure hit me square five years ago.  And this structured girl learned to live outside the bounds of comfort.  It changed me.  He changed me.  And today, this year is no different.  My planner does not dictate His plan.  My earthly desire do not control His divine purpose.  In the end, I'm just a girl seeking Him over and over.  Everyday.  Some days way better than others.  Thankful.

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