Streams in a Desert

Joining Holley Gerth

I wasn't sure if I'd write this.  It all seems overwhelming and then fear began to loom so very large.  But then slowly they trickled in....post after post...others that were battling this fear too.  You are not alone...
A week ago I had a dream.  Snow.  And I laughed about it because it was so real, but even with super cold weather this January, still, snow? This is the Alabama/Florida line.  Snow is not what we are known for.  This past month has brought many changes.  It has challenged me beyond all I have ever know.  And that is saying a lot.  It seemed each week brought something.  Cold weather, leaky pool, frozen water, heater not working properly.....day after day, one thing then another.  Each time taught me something new.  So Monday when we got the news of an arctic winter storm coming, it really didn't register with me.  School on Tuesday was cancelled, and maybe for a couple more.  I thought seriously??  But by 1 pm we had dropping temps and freezing rain and I was glad to be on my way home.  The rains came down and so did the temps.  And I was fearful.  Because I'm on my own a little bit.  And I'm the one the kids are depending on.  Me. A grown up. This can't be real......

All the little mishaps of the past few weeks taught me what to do as the storm grew more and more.  Cover the pipes, wash things in stages to keep water moving, turn the heat to emergency heat...the heat pump outside was frozen and the heat strips would do just fine, as late as possible run water, but into the pool. The level was low anyways, set my alarm for every two hours to check on things.  And then the power went out....9:30 pm, so we all go to bed.  I call it in and we do what we can...go to sleep and wait it out.  I got up and checked every two hours...still no power and my dreams are not comforting me, so I pray.  Thank you for my really warm bed and comforter.  We are safe, we have water and we are going to be ok.  Thankful, thankful, thankful....and beautiful power came back to us around 3 am.

Last Friday, it sleeted.  I smiled.  I thought what a beautiful answer from the Lord.  But unknown to me, that was just the beginning.  This morning I woke up to snow.  SNOW.  Frozen everywhere.  Roads closed, the whole earth still.  I had just been praying about how fabulous it would be to have a day where I could sit and read and not feel rushed.  The weight of that settled in on me.  We went through a really scary night.  But He was with us.  He made me able.  He prepared me and I did all I knew to do, even if I did it afraid.  The words pressed in so deeply.  Is anything too hard for me?  I will stop heaven and earth to make you understand I AM GOD.  I whispered dreams to you and I mean what I say.  Snow in Alabama.  Answered prayers.  The night was so very long, but joy in the morning.  The sun has finally peaked through.  Blue skies took my breath away this afternoon.  Blue skies and snow.  He's all around listening to the tinniest of prayers, even when they come in the form of sighs and tears and footsteps made forward even though they are much afraid.  Because they are not made alone.  He will not leave.  He will not forsake. No never.  Not for a moment.  Thankful.

Almost is Not Always Fun

I just need a signature....since I'm not old enough to quit on my own! I listen to her vent her frustrations, not really meaning the words she speaks. I know this is hard. I know she sees all those around her having what seems to be an easy, full of fun and games senior year. And she is walking through the hardest thing she has ever come up against. And she's exhausted. And it scary some days when failure looms larger than confidence. It feels as if the closer we get to the end the easier it should be, instead, it feels like has all this been for nothing? I see what she cannot see, I know the answers to her questions and I know exactly what she will be feeling 4 months from now....even though it feels like there is no end in sight. I can say keep going because even though it is so hard to see her struggle, I know what is changing and shaping inside of her, the preparations for great things my girl is going to do.

This is the same conversation I have been having with my Father. I want to quit, this sucks and everyone else seems to have it easier and a lot more fun. He shakes His head. What I'm preparing for isn't what anyone else's path may look like. And my hard work seems ever so hard right now and the exhaustion and fear and frustration seems more than I can take. And as I petition His signature....let's just write this off! I just need Your o.k..... He just says no. When you get to the end, it will still have been hard, but that just makes it more worth while. We both have new things coming up, my girl and I. Both going into grand adventures unknown, but armed with the knowledge that we are not alone. Thankful. 

Faith Jams - Name It

Linking Up with Bonnie today..

I read books by authors who talk of lions and pits and snowy days. My words fall out in the mornings before eyes ever open. I reach for it, needing to see what it says and how have I missed this all these years? Read over and over, dates stand written beside it. I have emptied more ink pens in the past two years than well, ever. I don't think I ever did it before now. I say prayers over cucumber slices and folded up napkins for the faces that will consume the lunches I make. I say thank you God for this laundry still here. I am still here. I smile and wrinkle my nose sometimes because I have coffee and time and my big comfy bed to settle in while I write my words. I have texts and conversations and tear stained reminders of notes and letters. I have two, three when we count the four legged one, that literally fill the walls with their beings. They belong here. They are my own. This complete isn't complete, yet it is complete, just as is. And that makes my head swim most days. He whispers assurance, grace, blessings. The end sometimes is the beginning. The thing He hates perhaps is allowed for something He loves. For what will be, not what is right now. It's school that teaches me always something new about myself when I don't even understand what exactly He's asking me to do just yet. It's good days, bad days, days that make you know why You are alive, when you get to participate in this thing He calls us to.
Name it.
This is my life.
This is joy in whatever way it decides to show itself.  This is me. Thankful.

Happy Mail

It came to me in the form of happy mail.  A card from a sister in Christ I do not know…but we write…about Him, about our stories, about grace…I was frustrated and pretty low.  Driving home my thoughts were heavy… It’s pointless, hopeless and I’m just a fool.  I checked the mail on the way up the drive.  Happy Mail…it shouted to me from the upper right hand corner.  I put the truck in park and I opened it.  And the verse, well, let’s just say a Father knows His daughter’s heart.  He knows when she is getting weak and when that load is pressing and she just can’t figure out how to lay it down…..again.

Joshua 1:9 …the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go..

Yes, yes He is.  This morning the verse still ringing in my head, I turned to it and smiled as I read it in its entirety.

“Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, or the Lord, your God is with you wherever you go.”

And it spoke to my week.  It rehashed all that I had been battling.  And I began to read it and really try and take it in what He was saying to me…perhaps to you too.  So I wanted to share my heart with you.
Have I not commanded you?  Have I not lead you day in and day out baby girl?  Have I not placed the answers right before you time and time again?

Be strong: Having the power to move heavy weights or perform other physically demanding tasks.
Be courageous: Not deterred by danger or pain, brave.
Do not be terrified: Cause or feeling of extreme fear
Do not be discouraged: Having lost confidence or enthusiasm, disheartened (loss of determination or confidence)

Boy was that me! And in this verse He so lovingly says, here is what I commanded and here is what I’m telling you not to do….and He also tells us why…..

Be strong..because the Lord YOUR GOD is with you WHEREVER you go….Be courageous… because the Lord YOUR GOD is with you WHEREVER you go….Do not be terrified…. because the Lord YOUR GOD is with you WHEREVER you go…Do not be discouraged…. because the Lord YOUR GOD is with you WHEREVER you go.  So in everything, everywhere, He is with us.  And if He is for us then who, WHO can be against us? Thankful.

Water

It is winter. And these days it is cold. No really.... I don't like to be cold. It's uncomfortable. Winter comes and things look dead and you don't want to move and then feel guilty for not wanting to move and oh.....umhm. This cold is pressing in on me. This winter is dragging on, like the winter feel of this season in my heart. It's getting colder and deader it seems. Also like this season. I am having issues, dreams and anxiety about water. Yes, water. He speaks to me through water, you know. Water in the pool, water in the pipes, water, water, everywhere. What happens when water gets cold? It freezes. It expands. It busts outta whatever has it bound. This cold in my soul feels like all that water, freezing and expanding. Bustin out of what has held it for so long. I dreamed a couple nights ago about snow. A vivid dream. I saw beautiful flurries coming at me, so I ran to get the kids and by the time we returned it was just rain. When I woke up I thought how crazy. It's cold, but this is the south peeps. Friday in all it's coldness, it began to rain. And I heard loud pebble sounds. I walked outside.....sleet....flurry pellets of ice coming down. They gathered in my hair and hit my face and I thought this is soooo weird!!  I came back in and as I sat, I heard that Voice.....those dreams, the ones I speak to you that sound ever so crazy.....they aren't. What seems wholly impossible, well it isn't with Me. Ice flakes in the south.....thankful.

5 Minute Friday - Visit

Joining Lisa Jo and the girls for 5 Minute Friday.  No edits, no rewrites and love those that came before..

VISIT...GO

Come visit with me a while....were the words that settled into my anxious heart. Just sit and talk to Me. Because today felt overwhelming and impossible. Today I got back in bed and listed all the reasons why getting up again were just stupid. Visit. Sit. Tell Me everything...... And so, I did. And as I did, I found the strength to put one foot in front of the other. This is not easy. There are days that seem more than I can possibly bare. And so I sit. I visit, with the One Who knows me best. With the One Who has the answers when I don't. Which is everyday. And that's ok. Because He loves our visits. Thankful.

Stop.

Beautiful

Joining Holley today for Coffee For Your Heart.....

You.

You are

You are beautiful

You are beautiful because

You are beautiful because you

Are

You. 

You are blonde hair, blue eyes, fair skin, 5'1" beautiful. 

You are momma, MOM!!!!, mommy, mother beautiful. 

You are daughter, sister, friend, companion, confidant, hand holder beautiful. 

You are encourager, writer, intercessor, love till' it hurts beautiful.

You are running shoes, one more mile, my favorite song, you got this beautiful!

You are trembling knees, second guessing, fear facing beautiful. 

Your are whole in your brokenness, healed in His wounds, bound by grace, made for a purpose beautiful. 

You are. Because He is. And He that is in you makes God see only beautiful. Thankful.