31 Days - Day 20

I noticed something recently. A times God calls things as they will be. He speaks to what the end result will be. There are days when I just can't see it. There are days when I don't even really want it. But it's not really our choice. To go opposite of is just as miserable. And there are obstacles that come to slow you and stump you. But still. He calls you by who He made you to be. Thankful. 

31 Days - Day 19

I slept. The weight of the week pressing and whatever this faint illness irritating me is, I slept. And hands wide open seems to be the theme. And letting go of seems to be the only way to walk. It's all unknown. Trusting. That He is good. That this is good. That this is best. Thankful. 

31 Days - Day 18

It was dinner. Dinner with my family. And somehow on the inside there is peace. A peace that although this is so unfinished, right now is just fine. This writing isn't easy. Not now. Not even last year. But I guess for me, pretty much every month holds a memory. Good and bad. And that's just life. And right now is just fine. Thankful. 

31 Days - Day 17 #FMF

LONG:   Go....

The end of a very long week found me heavy in wondering.  The "what if's" took an ugly turn in my head.  I was just flat tired.  Tired of the questions that just don't have answers right now, tired of trying to decide if I'm doing this right at all, tired of wondering how I can make this all just come to a stop.  Enough.  Cause most days lately I am feeling that I have been running this race way too long.  It feels like I took a wrong turn and a slow boat to China.  Long and hard and not what I ever imagined this would turn out to be.  I keep remembering running my half marathon.  Mile 12 was UGLY.  And I thought I would be happy at mile 13.  Anyone can do one mile....yeah, not so much.  I cried (again) and thought this is really never going to end is it?  Never.  I swear this can't have been the way.  I think I ran way off course.... I didn't.  Just the last 3 miles were run in some pretty scary and abandoned and forgetten places.  The scenery was awful.  This is why I ran?  To see this?  to not finish and be stuck here?? That's how this feels a some days lately.  I know there is an end.  I know why I ran that race and I know why I began this one too.  I had no idea what the end would be then and I sure don't know what the end will be in this either.  But no matter how long, I know I will finish.  I know the long distance has a purpose.  It's how He made me.  Able.  Thankful.

Stop.

#FMF

5 minutes, no edits no re-writes and love those that came before.

31 Days - Day 16

What if my momma prayers really

Do make a difference? Of course they do but when I see them, I think huh....You did hear me.... And they are covered. And He will write their story. And I can trust Him. And it's just not all up to me. Train up a child...the Bible says that, it does. And when they are old, they won't depart from the Way....I'm proof of that. No matter how far it is you run, He circles you right back round to the way. His way. The way. Thankful. 

31 Days - Day 15

I say it a lot when I talk about exercise, running and eating. It's cumulative. You'll have setbacks. You'll have days where it all falls into place. You'll have days when you want to quit and days where you wonder if it matters. Days when you can't see anything. What if I take that perspective in all this. It didn't all crumble overnight. Why would I think putting things back together would be any less.  Each thing, each setback, each step forward all bring change in someway. Each time a little closed to healing. Thankful.   

31 Days - Day 14

"It's wonderful what you can do when you have to".    C.S. Lewis

Yes, isn't it though. I'm the hard headed type. Many times I ask do I have to? Uncomfortable is not my favorite. But it is becoming my answer. I'm stalling less and taking the steps forward more. I was reading a post from someone who hasn't had an easy road either. Her daughter spoke of rocks for steps and roots for handles. Yes. When we look at where we are and use what He has given, these are the times we do what we have to. Amazing things. My question lately is what if all this was truly the only way? What if all this is what it was going to take to fulfill all He whispered to my heart? What if all this is what it would take to make me truly, thankful.