Wednesday, June 24, 2015
I put in my request and I hit send. I hated to ask. It's just not me. But I knew I needed it. So much swirling around me. I just needed relief. It's hard for me to say I just need a break. But I do. I have way more questions than answers. But this is my life. And it is a really good life. And as much as I look around and shake my head because this is never what I pictured, well, it's still beautiful. Even with all the imperfection. The last week has pushed me beyond my comfort and understanding on every level. Pulling away the pretenses and asking me to show what's really on the inside. Loving those who have nothing to give in return. And as the days pressed on and hard seemed unrelenting the scrapes and bruises from the outside mirrored what I felt on the inside. It comes at me and I can't breathe. I forget sometimes. I forget how far He has brought me. I forget that there is nothing, and no one, to fear. Fear of failing, fear of want, fear of being stretched, fear of new and unknown things. Fear. That some how all this time has been for nothing. But I know better. I do. And I'm letting Him have His way. Even though this is horrificly uncomfortable. It's a process. An uncovering. An intentional revealing. To pull away the old and let the new emerge. And I just have to walk this. Fear and all. Thankful.