Wonder

John 10:28-30

The Voice (VOICE)

28 I give them a life that is unceasing, and death will not have the last word. Nothing or no one can steal them from My hand. 29 My Father has given the flock to Me, and He is superior to all beings and things. No one is powerful enough to snatch the flock from My Father’s hand. 30 The Father and I are one.

When these days seem ever so long, I begin to wonder. What was it like for Him to watch me day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year....drowning. Walking away from all He made me to be. Just barely keeping my head above water.....just barely. Just breathing. He waited for the right time to act. Timing. I wonder if He was ever in a hurry, or wrung His hands knowing the time was coming closer.....knowing. That on that Thursday at 2 pm I would take one step, two step....on this journey back. I wonder if, even though He knew the pain, the flood of excitement surpassed it. Because I was coming back. I was on that long road back home. I wonder some days if He is excited again. I feel it in the pit of my stomach. I feel the twists and turns of something that is more than just my stomach telling me it's lunch time. I wonder. And He whispers. And I smile, at what He might reveal. In His own time. Thankful.

He Speaks

Joining Bonnie and the girls today

I have questioned things all along this way. But probably most prominent as of late is why has this road been so very long. It seems that either You are content to leave me in this state or perhaps You have forgotten. And I know neither are true. And I know that I can't deny all that He has done in and around me. And so He whispers to me when I will listen. He tells me what his stubborn daughter knows. I need to be able to grasp the weight of His words, that perhaps only time and experience would allow me to do it, time and experience has also given weight to my own words. My story.  If I said to you trust, it is because my own ability to do so has been stretched far beyond comprehension. If I say to you wait it's because I know the struggle that can bare down on you while in that space. I have learned to measure the weight of my words. Through trial and error and experience. If you have no experience in something, then how can your words hold any influence? And so sometimes the price of our testimony is heavy. But the weight of the blessing I believe will match that of what He asks us to carry. Thankful.

5 Minute Friday - Write

Joining Lisa Jo and the girls today...5 minutes, no edits and no re-writes....love those that came before.

Prompt...WRITE

GO...
I strain, I stress, I worry...what if the words don't come.  Yet they do.  They press in and ask to be put down.  They come in a flood and seem to overwhelm.  They come in good days and bad days.  They come to comfort and correct.  They come to instruct and to witness.  But I am just amazed still, that they come at all.  Why this?  Why these?  To comfort those as I have comforted you. And so I wait.  WAIT.  For the words I long to hear, for the words I long to know, for the words I long for others to know.  To share the good and the bad.  To love and to be loved.  To do the thing that I know He created me to do.  To do the thing that I never seem to doubt.  I write.  Thankful.

Stop.

It WILL End

This. This is where it all started. October 14, 2009 was the day. Enough. I began a journey that would lead me here. God sized wasn't in my vocabulary. But God sized this would be. My vision my dream lead me down the path that would sustain me in His vision, His dream in my heart. He reminds me.....this is not what I ever expected, it's better. And so continuing on those words echo loudly. 

I ran this last year. My first long race ever. 9.3 miles. And this year I needed to do it for different reasons. To prove to myself this is still my dream, still my passion and when so much seems questionable to me these days, that yes, I could do it again. My goal was simple. I will not walk. I will start and finish this race. Doing so meant others leaving me behind for a while, it meant being alone, it meant overcoming fear and panic and resisting the thought to ask a nice police office to give me a ride outta there. Just move, ugly run but don't you dare stop. Head down and go just go. Because the beach bridges are steep, kind of like the ones I have encountered along this path of mine. At one point I thought please PLEASE this thing HAS to level out. It did, though it's hard to decipher if I am screaming about this road or THE road I am on.  The way down to the last mile was beautiful. My verse that morning came to mind.....Hebrews 13:5.... be content with what you have because He has said, “I will never leave you; I will always be by your side.

And when I got to the end of the bridge to flat surface, I thought I was going to die. I felt every muscle, every blister and even though I knew the end was up ahead, I couldn't see it. And the urge to stop overwhelmed me. Do not stop. Do not quit. And I had to say it out loud. It was that hard. And finally I saw it. The last few yards seemed to take forever. But I made it. I did it. I didn't quit. It did end. And I was glad. Glad I ran. Glad I challenged myself again. Glad I didn't give in to all the things telling me to just give up. I feel like I'm at that place again. I know where I am. I just can't quite take it in. And I want to quit. But I won't. 

Head down....in prayer. 

Move..... Don't stop seeking Him. 

Trust.... The eyes of faith. They see the finish line. 

Thankful. 

Linking Up In Two of my Favorite places today....

   

Losing

Oh these days of new...and they are terrifying.  Pushing me out into places I do not know and I keep grasping for something that isn't there, looking for the railing that should support me....but then I know, sometimes it is ours to lie humble.  Reading Ann Voskamp today....and it struck me, what she said.

Matthew 10:39

The Voice (VOICE)

39 To find your life, you must lose your life—and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

What if I had to loose to gain.  Loose my fears and find perspective.  Loose my selfishness and find forgiveness.  Loose that which I clung to so very tightly and find the love that I so desperately sought.  What if I had to loose so much to appreciate that which I had been given.  To see it was such the gift that I took for granted.  What days did He remind me....be thankful for this....as I folded laundry or cleaned after my loves.  Because it was a gift.  And I treated it some days as if it were a curse.   In loosing, I dare say, I have found more than I care to.  But what I have gained is an appreciation that I fear may not have arrived any other way.  To learn a thankfulness that might not have come through the ease of days and a carefree life.  But each step gives a new strength.  Each surrender gives a new hope.  Each thank you gives a new appreciation.  For that which has been given...and that which was taken away. Thankful.

5 Minute Friday - Hero

Linking up with 5 Minute Friday. Noe edits, no rewrites and love those that came before.

Prompt: HERO....GO..
Hero.  This stumped me for sure.  And I had no plans to write.  Until yesterday.  My race day, 9.3 miles. I did it last year, but this year it was different.  This year my reasons were not the same.  I needed to know if I could.  And so I did.  And they all passed me, all my friends running.  And I was terrified.  I was running alone, but I had to run it my way.  They only way I knew how.  The way I knew would get me to the finish line.  And this year was much harder.  2 bridges felt like impossibilities.  Head down and go and don't you dare stop.  My goal was to finish without stopping. Period.  And I did.  Yes I did.  My exhaustion kicking in we came home to my girls acceptance letter to college.  Her dream made real.  My boys ROTC ball would follow later in the evening.  His dream, becoming a reality each day.  And as I thought about it, all that we have fought through the past two years, my goodness.  He has brought us here.  He is placing us to be ready to take possession of the land He promised.  And it's scary.  And most days I see giants.....but I am taking hold of the vision of the land flowing with milk and honey and grand provision.  Fruits too much for one person to even carry.  He brought us here to this place.  He will see us through to victory.  And so this week, we are my heros. We three that huddled together, head down and just moving over those mountains. Together.  Thankful.
Stop....this took 7 minutes instead of 5.

Faith Jam - Photo Journal

This year already feels different.  So much new...just like He said.  Yes, I do perceive it.  Just in the past two weeks, so much has changed.....nothing left untouched.

Running my race for the second time.  Proving to myself that my race is important and that He will get me there, to the end.

And so He did.  9.3 miles and thankful for the friends He surrounds me with on this journey.

Home from the race and my girls acceptance letter to college was in the mail.  

My boys ROTC Ball was also later that night.  Big day for all of us.

The early part of the week found us iced in.  Snow in the South.  Miracles preceding God's answers.

Studying Russian.  My boy has big dreams too, just like his sister.

Big changes.  Permit in hand.

These past couple weeks have just shaken everything up.  Everything.  It's left me a little off balance and a little emotional.  So many changes coming all at once.  Nothing is the same, but in a good way.  We have fought long and hard.  And here we are.  Thankful.

Linking Up at Faith Barista