When You Want To Quit

Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Eternal, “plans for peace, not evil, to give you a future and hope—never forget that. At that time, you will call out for Me, and I will hear. You will pray, and I will listen. You will look for Me intently, and you will find Me. 

This was the very first verse God spoke to me. September 18, 1999. The first date I ever wrote in my Bible. It's how He brings me back to center. How I know it's Him. When He wants to get my attention. I threw my hands up in the air last night and said I quit. I skipped small group (again) and I ate chips and queso and watched Teen Mom 2 just to make sure He knew I was serious. Very serious. My girl crimped my hair, 80's style. Yes. I am through with this. And so I went to bed because my stomach kinda hurt and I was pretty much exhausted. I skipped my first alarm....and the sixth and the seventh..... Coffee in, kids out. Sit down. To the verse...to Begin Again..... To His plans for me. For the hope He has for my future. To believe that none of this is for my destruction, but for my good. To just show up. Even on the days I quit. Thankful. 

5 Minute Friday - Small

5 Minute Friday - No edits, no rewrites 5 Minutes

PROMPT - Small...GO..

Small. These days lately I feel very small. These days lately I have fussed about how desperately tired I am. How much I just want help. Just want a shoulder. Just want someone is this with me. Just.....

The rain came in torrents this morning. I had been fussing about dealing with the pool. Too much Lord. Too much. And this morning when I walked outside I smiled. I did. He cares about the small. Right here where I'm at He meets me. He will be my shoulder, my Rock, the One I can depend on. Even in the small, like filling the pool back to the right level until this leak gets resolved. He sees. He cares. He protects. He meets my every need. Thankful.

Stop.

2014

These words. They kept pulling at me. It's my voice....your voice. Our all together prayers towards Jesus. And I believe when you take things in, they become your words. Our words come from the outflow of our hearts. And these words were pouring into my heart. So what might come if I let them out again? We take in and let it change us. We speak to what change has come. 

One awkward, awakened leap. 

Ta-da worthy. Renew more cheer. 

Beloved seek simplify. Trust peace overflow. 

Draw near Emanuel. Journey seeking home. 

Obedient applia grace. Present blessing, above all, follow compassion. 

Overcome, devote, hope, yield....bless. Jesus, let me worship intentional. 

Fruitful reflections healthy, happy, fun, undaunted. 

Redeemed. Hidden....come healing light. Plans go, renewal come bold. 

Believe The Word all-in. Savor refuge....prepare, nourish, move. 

Crucible, perseverance....confidence, transition, expectant. 

Count promises, dream, create rest. 

Thankful. 

Faith Jam

In the Silence

These days upon days have brought much change. He's shaking it up again.  I'm learning not to be fearful. "Just do whatever He tells you to" she wrote. Yes. That is the way. Reading these words today scraped my heart "when your upset, it upsets what's really in you". He shakes it up and let's it lay there. To not inspect is something I don't consider anymore. What has all this shown me....I know it because it was me. I would use my words to make another feel my pain when I believed myself invisible or unacknowledged. I think more than once I left an inability for defense, because how do you defend yourself against perception. It was me that needed healing. And I look at things from a different perspective. The uneasiness, the internal struggle, all really just pressing towards home. Where we can rest and be loved and be ourselves without judgement, not-quite-right and not good enoughs. It's a hard thing to journey there when you've left. It's a hard thing to turn around even though you know it's the only relief. I've been there. And now when the hard comes and the words pierce and the expectations are more than I can shoulder He yells loud above the sound.....now, WHOSE are you? And who does that make you? Sometimes the greatest act of kindness comes from silence.  Not wielding words as weapons, but choosing to lay them at His feet.  Regardless of the outcomes, I am His. And that is the only outcome that truly matters. Thankful.

5 Minute Friday - Garden

Joining Lisa Jo and the girls..No edits no re-writes and love those that came before...

Prompt...GARDEN...Go

Each garden begins the same.  A tilling, a breaking of the foundation.  Preparation for what is to come.  No seed can be planted without a breaking loose of what is already there, unyielding.  The seed is sown, so very slowly.  One by one....verse by verse....word by word..Sown and covered, sown and covered, to protect the small piece of life from what may come to steal it.  It grows deep and solid, opposite of out, it grows in and down and takes root.  And it grows stronger, away from the hidden eye, where nothing is seen, but it pulls nutrient from.  Slowly and without warning, something happens.  It grows.  First slowly then seemingly it's there overnight.  Yet the days and weeks...and perhaps months of preparation, all made it ready for this day, for this time, to show itself strong, to bare its fruit, to be what it was made to be all along, in the quiet, in the hidden, in the places that only the Sower knew existed.  Thankful.

STOP.

Love

Faith Jam with Bonnie Gray

"The prompt is love".....she went there, Yes. She. Did.  Not sure why I'm surprised. He has been going there all week. Actually, He's been going there since 2011, September it was. The crack in the foundation of all that was opened up and this verse, this is what He gave me.  I had no idea......I was going to learn how to love.  And love hard.  And I'm not sorry, no.


4 Love is patient....when the waiting seems like it will never end
love is kind....blessings, not curse to enemies made grace
It does not envy...because this is what He has for you
it does not boast...when we have days of sunshine
it is not proud....because humility is such beauty
5 It does not dishonor others.....words give life or words give death, use them wisely 
it is not self-seeking...even when you want so desperately to be known 
it is not easily angered...when you get knocked down yet again
it keeps no record of wrongs...it practices God's forgiveness
6 Love does not delight in evil....treating others how they want to be treated 
but rejoices with the truth...it smiles when it can speak His affirmation 
7 It always protects....it is fiercely loyal to the heart 
always trusts...because He said so
always hopes....because He never fails 
always perseveres......because I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
8 Love never fails.....because we can never be separated from His love 

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I have learned that faith comes from believing in Him long after things looked like they were going to happen in my own timing.  I have learned to hope because I have decided that His words are true no matter how things may seem.  And I have learned the high cost of loving in the hardest of circumstance.  It's a love that breaks down walls, busts off the chains that have held me to something smaller than what He wants for me.  I have watched it change lives and mend long broken places.  I have watched it change me and perhaps that is the most amazing miracle yet.  Thankful.

Dance

She's my girl. My very own. These days of late are busy. So much to do between the both of my two not-so-littles. Her dance on Saturday left us in a whirlwind of preparation. Her hair she does herself, but her makeup, I have always done for everything big occasion. She does her own mascara. Baby steps :) She is finding her own style, her own likes, her own sense of who she wants to be. But even on the best days, even when we feel most beautiful, we can still feel like we just don't measure up. Comparisons. I want her to never doubt that she is perfect just because she breathes. I want her to fully grasp that when her eyes open to yet another day, He has something important for her to do. Maybe it's just a smile that will help someone hold on a little longer. Maybe it's sharing her lunch or snack or a pencil. Maybe it's just to keep her mom remembering that blessings come at the most unexpected of times. Just like she did. Without warning. And everything changed, for the better. Thankful.