In the Silence

These days upon days have brought much change. He's shaking it up again.  I'm learning not to be fearful. "Just do whatever He tells you to" she wrote. Yes. That is the way. Reading these words today scraped my heart "when your upset, it upsets what's really in you". He shakes it up and let's it lay there. To not inspect is something I don't consider anymore. What has all this shown me....I know it because it was me. I would use my words to make another feel my pain when I believed myself invisible or unacknowledged. I think more than once I left an inability for defense, because how do you defend yourself against perception. It was me that needed healing. And I look at things from a different perspective. The uneasiness, the internal struggle, all really just pressing towards home. Where we can rest and be loved and be ourselves without judgement, not-quite-right and not good enoughs. It's a hard thing to journey there when you've left. It's a hard thing to turn around even though you know it's the only relief. I've been there. And now when the hard comes and the words pierce and the expectations are more than I can shoulder He yells loud above the sound.....now, WHOSE are you? And who does that make you? Sometimes the greatest act of kindness comes from silence.  Not wielding words as weapons, but choosing to lay them at His feet.  Regardless of the outcomes, I am His. And that is the only outcome that truly matters. Thankful.