Winds of Change

17 years ago on a Friday, I was waiting on someone. Life changing. She was late. I had no idea when she might arrive. But this was the day. My birthday, a few days beforehand, did not bring the news I wanted. And I cried. That was the day I said whatever. I can't make something happen before it is supposed to.

This year, 17 years later, found me on my birthday yet again, not exactly where I thought I would be. And I cried again. This week has left me exhausted, confused, hopeful, mournful, in anticipation, pretty much you name it. I know it's coming. But again, I can't make something happen before it's time.

Habakkuk 2:2-3 NIV

 ²Then the Lord replied:

“Write down the revelation
and make it plain on tablets
so that a herald^[b] may run with it.
³ For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it^[c] will certainly come
and will not delay.

And then this week my sister sent me a verse about God remembering Noah and sending a wind to dry the earth after what God had accomplished had been completed. My dad talked about this north wind coming to dry up all this rain lately. I could feel the shift in my morning run. And then today I said it almost out loud. Something has shifted in my words. 

Genesis 8 (VOICE)

8 But God remembered Noah and all of the wild and domesticated animals with him in the ark. When it was time, God sent the wind to blow over all of the earth, and the waters began to subside.

 

And so I sit here, remembering how my life was about to change so drastically then and somehow that same anticipation is swirling around me now.  It has been work to get to this point and saying it feels like giving life to what He wants to do with me.  The words pressing to get out are ones I never thought I would say and I'm even saying them through tears...

I am thankful for this.  For this road I have walked for over two years now. For what You have been doing and continue to do in my life.  I praise You. 

He has impressed this word on me for quite a while now.  I affirm it after each time I write.  And my head knowledge became heart knowledge.  That the pain will bring forth something amazing.  Saying it, putting it down and sending it out.  17 years ago was the birth of my greatest life adventure, believing for that yet again.  Thankful.

Deuteronomy 8

Further Still

I read something today that sunk into my heart. How do you own your faith? For me it's being a big girl, standing on my own two feet more and more. I never believed I could. Never believed He would truly help me. Yet here I stand. And each time I open my hand, He takes what I'm clinging to and holds my hand. It is then He can take me closer to where He wants me to be. It seems small, getting a new battery in your vehicle. For me it is a big deal. I don't have my other half to call and rescue me. Thankfully I have my family here. And the afternoon found me getting an oil change and a new battery. This is usually where I panic. My dad handles it all and I go on my way. But that prompting......how much was it? I'll write a check.....words that made me nauseous. But they were right words. Trusting words. Words of a very tiny girl trying to grow her faith. And the evening found me panicked. I worry. I stress.  What do I do Lord, what if there isn't enough now? And I lay quietly on my bed. I think of the the handwritten note stuck to the wall of the ancient auto shop where I go. Because I know them. And they know me.  I let the words settle into me earlier in the day as I sat waiting for the work to be done and then again as I lay waiting for comfort from the One doing the work in me.

Psalm 37:7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; 

Wait....He whispers to me.... Just be still ..sometimes that is the battle. Being still. Being able to trust that He will provide in His way because He always has. I tend to hoard provisions. He says let go. That manna will rot when gathered and stored in a way that does not have His purpose.  Things we recieve outside of God's will turn to ashes.  He has taught me much about being responsible. Standing on my own two feet a little more and trusting that even as my knees are shaking, He has me. Even if I stumble, I won't fall completely. For He has hold of me. These are the days of deep waters. Thankful. 

5 Minute Friday - Worship

Joining Lisa Jo and the girls for 5 Minute Friday.  No re-write or edits and love those that came before you.

Today: WORSHIP

Go..

There are times when I just want to lay down and cry.  Those are the times I am learning that I need to worship.  On days filled with rushing around and nothing going right and every decision feels like it's the wrong one.  Those are the times to whisper..thank you anyways Lord.  I know there is purpose.  When the hurt cuts like a knife yet again and the wounds feel as if they will never heal, those are the times to worship.  To remember His wounds, He bore for us and that they did heal.  He didn't stay broken.  It is when I lay in bed yet again, wondering in the dark, what Lord, what are You wanting me to do?  What purpose does this serve?  When will this end?  Worship.  Remember that weeping may endure for a night but that joy does come again in the morning.  When we teach our souls to sing on the hard days, perhaps it will be a reminder on the good days....do not forget the Lord Your God, Who brought you out....and oh, how I have forgotten to worship in the past.  But this time, I pray it is a seal over my heart.  Thankful.

Dear Weary Mom - Outcomes

Linking Up with Hope For The Weary Mom....

Dear Weary Mom,

She did NOT want to do this and trust me, she let me know.  She's like me, my girl.  I get her, I understand her completely.  It seems like it's going to be a train wreck, like this is just gonna end badly.  She can't decide what to wear, how to fix her hair....and then her make-up....So I prayed.  Hard.  And her brother just quietly stayed out of the way.  He's good like that.  Senior/Family pictures.  She didn't want to do them.  But I, her mother, insisted.  NO THANK YOU....she said.  Who even cares about that?!?  Well, I do, I began.  And her rolled eyes met my gaze and well, I love my girl to the moon and back but there are days....

God feels like that about me I am certain.  I get so scared, so overwhelmed with how it may or may not look, turn out.....you know, this FEELS like a train wreck.  He meets my eye rolling and sighs with much more love and compassion that I tend to hand out.  And so I grabbed hangers, shoes, the boy AND the girl and off we went!

As much as I knew that this was going to be great, family pictures always are in the end for us, no matter the turmoil that might ensue before....when my precious friend Melissa texted me a little peak at what was to come....Oh my!!  Better than even I expected :)

Sometimes God gives us a look into what He's doing.  The ways He might choose to do so varies I know.  But when we do get a glimpse of what it is He is creating, how much more amazing than what we thought or dreamed is it?  I keep reminding myself of that these days.  Things seem so unsure and foggy and I just can't imagine what He is really up to.....but just as I remind my girl so very often, one day at a time....it will come, He is reminding me that so much lately.

Live in today.  What is it He has for us in this moment?  The rest will fall into place.  Thankful.

The Morning After

So much swimming in my head....I woke up this morning and thought... well then, here we are Lord.  On the other side of....what?  I don't know.  And I went into the kitchen and these little flying brown tiny bugs are about to drive me insane.  WHERE are these things coming from?!?!  I prayed about it, yes ma'am I did.  Lord where are they coming from?  What else can I do or clean to make them go?  And I opened the cabinet to get my coffee out.  Something made me pull everything out on that entire shelf.  Ick.  They apparently were making a home in a pot holder and glove I had never used shoved back in the back.  So I pulled it all out, threw it all away and cleaned it.  As I was wiping it all down, looking at the empty space, He spoke to me.  Lets get to the root of it.....yes, Lord lets.  Let's get to the root of how I even started on this journey so long ago.  Let's throw away all the things that are just stuffed back in a corner and seem to be a breeding ground for these thoughts and hurts and things that just keep coming back no matter how many times I think I have killed them all.  Lets wipe the space clean with Your healing words and fill it with the things that actually belong there.  Go back.....He said to me.  Which brought me to the story of Elijah in 1 Kings....  more on that later.

A clean space, ready and willing to accept the good stuff.  My cabinet was an easy fix.  My heart, I am praying will be just as restored.  Thankful.

Behind The Scenes - It's Your Birthday

Linking Up with Crystal and all the girls at Behind The Scenes

 

Yes...it is my birthday.  And how amazing God is to let it fall on a Tuesday so I get to share with you today ;) Two years ago, 39 found me literally walking into something life changing.  I had NO IDEA what God was about to do.  Shake up my whole world, change me forever and call me into something I could have never dreamed.  And ALL of it has required a whole lot of pain and stripping away and hard work.  Two. Whole. Years.  I was scared, unsure of myself, who I was and what in the world I was even doing here.  Everything was falling apart.  But there was something that day He began in me....and here I am.  I'm walking into something again I can't even imagine.  I can feel it in my bones.  Just like I felt the destruction that was coming....I FEEL the restoration that He is bringing.  He began it with my physical on my 39th birthday.  I couldn't even run the warm up lap when I started my outdoor boot camp.  Today finds me training for my first half marathon!  As I ran this morning I thanked Him for this body, for the strength He has brought to me through much hard work, sacrifice and tears.  It parallels what I have gone through in the spiritual.  In all this I have learned that it's just not about me.  It's about what He wants to do in me and then through this thing He has called me to.  For my good, but also for the good of others.  To take my big ol' mess and make something pretty awesome.

 

He has brought me into this AMAZING family.  My two sisters.  Not born of my blood, but much more.  His blood.  Bought and paid for, all three of us, with His sacrifice.  He placed me in a family when He pulled me out of the pit.  He placed me in unconditional love.  So today finds me hopeful, stronger, more sensitive to Him and so very ready for this new He is walking me into.  Never alone, not even for a moment.  Thankful.

 

Genesis 50:20

New Living Translation (NLT)

²⁰ You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people

Monday

So today find me looking at another week.....it's Monday.  It's a week that will bring changes.  Praying for the better.  Believing for the better.  As I woke yesterday, so uncertain, so scared and so just flat out tired of this whole battle....He whispered to me:

Isaiah 41:10

The Voice (VOICE)

¹⁰ So don’t be afraid. I am here, with you;
don’t be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, help you.
I am here with My right hand to make right and to hold you up.

 

Stop struggling.  Stop striving.  Start believing.  Thankful.