Saturday, July 5, 2014

I See the Moon, the Moon Sees Me

I stood balancing.  The water barely covering my feet at times and I felt soaked in grace.  The moon was visible all day long.  The humidity low, sky was blue, water calm and there was a tangible peace.  This was the biggest holiday to celebrate in our family next to Christmas.  And the last two years have found me dreading its arrival like the plague.  2012 found us all an emotional wreck and tears won out as we didn't make it very long.  Last year this day found me trying to find my place, where I fit in and who I even was. But this year, we were there.  My girl, my boy and the dog child.  All back at the place where memories were made year after year.  And we made new ones.  And in the loss we experienced as a family, I see new growth in places that makes me smile.  My girl rode off on a jet ski....such a grown up girl she is becoming. I see so much of my boy's personality in generations the preceded him.  It makes me understand him more and see all the goodness in him.  And I saw my dog child get a little playful and wear himself out even though he followed his mama everywhere she went :)  We remember still, yes.  But the pain, it is subsiding.  And it gives way to pockets of hope and expectation.

I made many trips on the paddle board yesterday.  Breathing.  Looking at all that I am blessed with. Choosing to be grateful for what I have in this moment and not anxious for what I feel is still missing. Sometimes coming home takes longer than we ever expected.  Detours come, some of our own making and some divine.  I made it.  And I see others making it too.  Funny thing is we all set out and circled right back round, we did.  Yes we did.  Home is not a place, it's who you are with.  Who you do life with.  The where, not so very important when your soul is settled in the place He set you.  Thankful.

6 God places the lonely in families;
    he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.
Psalm 68:6 NLT

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