Thursday, August 14, 2014
I wonder why I can't just become hardened to all this. I mean, it's nothing new. No surprises. So why can't I shrug it off and keep going? I suppose the answer might be found in the fact of what comes from all things hardened. Nothing flows from it. No words, no gifting, no purpose, no gratefulness. Just death. I'm tired this week. Tired of broken promises, tired of feeling like somehow it's just never going to be enough. That I'm never going to be enough. And that is enough to stop me cold. I have struggled all week long with this. I have tried to trade my birthright for a bowl. And it has left me feeling empty. What to do, what to do. In this hardest of places He has met me. He has met the smallest of needs, He has. The ones I whisper. The ones that seem inconsequential yet they are real. All met. Nothing left undone. Just me and my not so happy attitude. Me and all my questions. Me and my pouty little self. Fighting hard to names these blessing right square in front of me. Remebering that He loves me. Not what I do or how I look or what I can bring to the table. He just loves me. And all my ugly messes. All my failed attempts at getting it right and holding this bowl of marbles together. Today I just give up. I don't know how or where or when or why.....I just can't fight this anymore.....and I don't have to. Thankful.