Days

Revisiting. Things that have come back into my life. It's different. I'm different. It's not my identity anymore. I'm surprised at the very little resistance I feel with so much change. I'm no less surprised at the irritation that seems to have crept in. Mostly with myself. It's not that He isn't working. It's not that things aren't changing. It's just falling down, getting back up, wanting to quit and the words of grace that continue to direct me, well you know......yeah. The change I want isnt necessarily the change that has arrived. And I have to be quiet and let that settle. 

I realize I'm sitting here where I was almost 2 years ago. And I'm different. The questions, same. Answers, same. But I'm not the same. Not by a long shot. Funny how paper clothing can make you feel very stripped away of the things that normally I might hide behind. I'm sweating because I'm nervous. And the more I wrap this paper tight, it tears. The more I wrap myself in the illusion of control the more I tear as well. And so I settle. And I breath. And I remember. And I let go. What was then isn't what's now. What I have traveled to get here......well, I'm just trusting His plan in this because let's say I want a different right back round. I want a different outcome. And it's possible you know.....Different. Change. Growth. Impossible. All of it. Thankful.