Saturday, April 4, 2015
The Time In-Between
It's Saturday. The in-between day. This year feels different. That I'm feeling anything at all is different. I have a tendency to just shut it down and let it pass on the hard days. That has been my salvation for the last three years. But I just can't do it anymore. And I keep stepping out more and more and falling flat on my face. And it hurts. And I want to run. But I won't. Not this time. So Good Friday lived up to its reputation and the despair of it all sent me to bed at 8 pm. Despair. I looked it up. The complete absence of hope. Is that what this is? Is this where I have parked my car? Maybe I needed to come here, to despair. What will you do in this place baby girl? Yes. That seems to be the question. It seems fitting that she texted. Are you going to church tomorrow? Not sure I said. I'll be alone. Alone. Me too she said. That's why I asked. I didn't want to go by myself.... Oh He sets the lonely in families, He does. And it isn't lost on me that with this in-between day, this Saturday where despair feels like it is holding hope for ransom, I will go there. And I will pray again. Believe again. Ask again. Wait again. Hope again. Thankful.