Friday

Seems as if the whole of everything that I know is taking a break.  And that's a good thing.  I woke up to a very beautiful, cold day.  The pool has ceased in it's leaking as it waits for finishing touches, everything I needed for the day ahead was ready and waiting for me in the kitchen.  Two children slept in their beds and the youngest 4 legged child set contently in his place, the one he has come back to.  The place that always signaled safety and that all was well.  Everyone, everything, in their proper place.  This day, in years past, has signaled finality for me.  An ending and then a moving into something new.  13 years ago, this day signaled a completion of writing that took me a year.  It was the first time He had asked me to put my words down and then share them.  It was the first time I wrote by computer instead of pen and paper.  It came on the heels of a calling.  I printed it all out and deposited each copy to it's proper place.  Each heart I would share mine with.

Now as I look back over this past year, a year of hard, I also see a year of simply amazing.  He called me back to blogging after a year of hard.  Write it down.  Share.  And indeed I have and this has been something I never dreamed it would be.  I feel like He is putting the finishing touches on this chapter, this continuation.  And one seems to build upon the last, picking up where it left off, the way children often do when they walk away and then come back to something....

As I read yesterday, God spoke to me in such a way.  I asked for answers.  He gave them.  And tears that I have long since given up fighting came.  I questioned Him....seriously, do I have a dysfunctional tear valve in there somewhere?!....He reminded me of something...as His joy as made full in me He doesn't fill me to only half way or just enough, He fills to overflowing.  Those tears are my overflowing.  And at times when my tears come in torrents of despondency and confusion and sorrow, it's the breaking of what was and the spilling out of things I should not hold, so He can remake and refill.  Time after time after time.....it's just the way He made me.

So the verse yesterday, the reminder....Psalm 37....

25 Through my whole life (young and old),

    I have never witnessed God forsaking those who do right,

    nor have I seen their children begging for crumbs,

26 Because they are always giving and sharing;

    truly, their children are a joyful blessing.

My children.  These two that have been my miracles and saving grace.  These two that have been with me every minute of every day for the past 17+ years.  I have never, ever, ever seen my children want.  In the hardest of times, when loss seemed to overtake us, still even then, He has provided.  Always.  And so as this time of year circles back around, this year is so very different.  We are gathered, we are set in a family, we are steeped in the truth that has always been, but we rarely took time to truly embrace.  And for all of this, all of what has been, all of what is to come, I am reminded again to be, truly, thankful.

Blessing

Ephesians 1:18 (VOICE)

18 Open the eyes of their hearts, and let the light of Your truth flood in. Shine Your light on the hope You are calling them to embrace. Reveal to them the glorious riches You are preparing as their inheritance.

It has just been a long few weeks.  Lots of twists and turns.  Lots of Him asking me to do the hard work....still.  And I am tired.  And as I could feel the frustration building in me as wave after wave crashed over, He called me more and more into quiet as He revealed things to me.  As He asked, He showed me the flip side....remember?  How well I do.  He showed me that the hard work now feels, well, hard.  But the result of that is a very different one than if I went full steam ahead into something that I know better than to. I've been there before.

As the days came this week, so did the unending pressure of all that is on my shoulders and the weight of it became too much.  I use to tell the children when they were small and had a tantrum...you are showing yourself... I showed myself big yesterday and it ended in a meltdown complete with snot bubbles.  The raw of my emotions spilled over into one giant sob fest.  I spent more time in the bathroom trying to compose myself than I did anything else I suppose.  Those tears needed to come, however inconvenient the time and place.

As the last chunk of the wall fell down, I had a choice between vomiting my frustrations again or just simply giving a smile and keeping my mouth shut (praise God I chose the latter), some very real truths hit me face on.  I was humbled, as He has done so many times before, but this time, with such an amazing revelation of the truth in spite of my feelings.  I AM blessed.  I AM favored.  I AM loved.  He has not left me to myself to figure this all out.  And as much as He has asked me to do things that I once considered an impossibility, He has given me the tools to do it. I watched Him love me in the middle of my ungrateful meltdown as He reminded me it's not about my ability to perfectly maneuver the hurdles I am faced with.  It's just about saying yes and falling forward sometimes.  It's about making the choices that say Who my heart belongs to, even when sometimes it's the last thing I really want to do.  It's the right way.

So He spoke to me last night in one of my love languages.  He reminded me that every prayer sent, every little thought and word, He does hear.  He does see.  He has a reason.  He is God and I am not.  Thankful.

Colossians 3:15-17 (VOICE)

15 Let your hearts fall under the rule of the Anointed’s peace (the peace you were called to as one body), and be thankful.

16 Let the word of the Anointed One richly inhabit your lives. With all wisdom teach, counsel, and instruct one another. Sing the psalms, compose hymns and songs inspired by the Spirit, and keep on singing—sing to God from hearts full and spilling over with thankfulness. 17 Surely, no matter what you are doing (speaking, writing, or working), do it all in the name of Jesus our Master, sending thanks through Him to God our Father.

Sunday Scripture

Romans 15:13 (AMP)

13 May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope.

Experience.  I have been faced with that as of late.  Has it taught me anything?  Last year I walked through a new door after God shut one.  And I learned a few things from my experience.  Sometimes we don't realize that until we are faced with it yet again.  But what will you do with it?  I have learned that you do the hard work now, or you do it later, but rest assured, you will do it.  And so this verse today, this one, reminded me, our belief in what we choose comes from our experience.  This can be from the good and the not so awesome.  But I am finding that when I do make a step in the right direction, sometimes it comes through walking in something hard.  I can become stuck or detained by something that comes my way, or I can go ahead and do the hard work and move past it.  And through this, because of experience, I am filled with His joy and His peace.  Now feeling His joy doesn't mean that I am feeling all warm and fuzzy because of the choice I had to make...no...it's actually the opposite.  But when I woke this morning, I knew I had made a step in the right direction.  I knew the hard choice was indeed the right choice.  Because despite my feelings, I am filled with His joy and His peace.  That not so evident, deep underground knowledge of His truth.  The Water that carves out new paths as it grows.  Thankful.

5 Minute Friday - Fly

Joining Lisa Jo and the girls for 5 Minute Friday...No edits, no re-writes and love those that came before you.

Prompt: FLY
GO......

She was snatched from flight so quickly that she lost all bearing and what was her world, the air she breathed, the sights she saw, were changed in an instant.  Cold, solid, unyielding ground and Hands that looked so very different from the ones she was used to.  She was wounded, unable to reach her heights, yet she didn't see this.  Flying so low, hitting branches, false starts and stops, all trying to get to where she most needed to be.  Higher.  And so she settled, finally, out of sheer exhaustion, because she could not fight anymore and whatever her fate might be, it was now up to the One Who held her.  And he set her gently in a quiet place.  And He looked over her brokenness and to each place set out to heal it.  There was pain in the plucking and pulling and weeding out all the things that hid her wounds, but freedom when it was done. There was pain when He washed away the dirt and the filth that encrusted the spaces that had lay hidden.  But they were healing.  And then she set.  Waiting and longing for the day she would not be bound.  And then it came. One by one He removed her coverings and let her test her wings.  And in the safety of His grip she set one day, ready to go, yet to afraid to try and He threw her up so high she thought she might never stop, but she realized as she looked around, this was where she was meant to be, this was where she could fly.  Thankful.

Falling

Joining Bonnie over at Faith Barista today....

I have passed by the sign all week.  Fall down 7 times get back up 8.  I am finding that this journey is more about the getting up.  Perhaps in Him asking me to give grace in the hardest of places, He has taught me to receive it in the most difficult way...for myself.  Perhaps we learn about forgiveness and not holding on because eventually the time comes where we have to be able to forgive ourselves.  And if we haven't learned to extend it to others, then I am quite sure, that stick we have sitting in the corner to measure our own faults and failures looms large.

In hiding our own shame, we put on masks and try to pretend like we are just fine, so no one will see and everyone will believe that we are good enough, when in truth, the One who already sees our shame is the only One Who can give us the freedom we so desperately look for.  When we learn to run to Him first, refusing to hide our sin and our failures, the shame that so easily sticks to us becomes nothing more than a catalyst. Right into the arms of the One Who will use it to heal us in places long broken.

Falling is inevitable.  It's not if, but when.  The grace is in the getting up.  The healing is in letting Him attend our wounds and show us the stumbling blocks that caused our crash.  When you look at it, acknowledge it and face it, shame, fear and unforgiveness have lost their power.  It doesn't mean we won't have the emotions that come along with them, it means that there is something deeper in spite of them, telling us who we are, Whose we are.  We belong to the One waiting to help us get back on our feet.  Thankful.

Leaks

Philippians 4:4-8

The Voice (VOICE)

4 Most of all, friends, always rejoice in the Lord! I never tire of saying it: Rejoice! 5 Keep your gentle nature so that all people will know what it looks like to walk in His footsteps. The Lord is ever present with us. 6 Don’t be anxious about things; instead, pray. Pray about everything. He longs to hear your requests, so talk to God about your needs and be thankful for what has come. 7 And know that the peace of God (a peace that is beyond any and all of our human understanding) will stand watch over your hearts and minds in Jesus, the Anointed One. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, fill your minds with beauty and truth. Meditate on whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good, whatever is virtuous and praiseworthy.

I kept saying..Lord, tell me what to do!!...He kept saying....I did....yeah.....So I find myself in this place, so much changing and I am so grateful.  And as with all change, there is trying to find stability in it.  And so as He wants me to seek Him, to come to Him, to talk to Him....my world gets very quiet.  But in this quiet so many beautiful things I notice.  The most dramatic of which is my home, my children....the dog.  No kidding. The space he avoided, heck, we all avoided for months, now everyone gathers.  We huddle, we whisper, we laugh, we share.  His peaces fills this space and the quiet is not scary anymore.  It's not a quiet that comes from void.  It's a quiet that comes from contentment.  I am still learning.  I am the perfectionist, scheduling, get it all done girl.  And that is ok, when it is submitted to Him.  My little world has been interrupted as of late. A leak somewhere in the pool.  There was a time when this would have sent me into a meltdown of epic proportion.  I finally said to Him...Lord, the only thing I can do is keep putting the water back in until this gets fixed......and my decision to be thankful comes from this...adding water to it for the better part of the last week is requiring me to stay home a bit longer in the mornings...and that has given me more time to get the kids set and out the door, more time to truly take in what I am reading and also, some extra time to write, as my evenings have been a hustle and bustle of children and activities that I want to soak in.  He gives us grace in unexpected places.  We can see them as opportunities or intrusions into our very busy lives.  I'm learning.  Thankful.

Behind the Scenes - Treasure

Linking Up With Crystal Stine and the girls for Behind the Scenes...

It was a quiet morning.....and one by one they invaded.  The one with four legs busted the door open and stared me down.....He jumped up on the bed to let me know...this was HIS room still, make no mistake.The girl shuffled past and made her way in, which signaled the boy to come see what all the ruckus was about. And they laughed, and high-five'd (Sago's best trick) and sat on top of my clothes and completely interrupted my "quiet time". The fullness of my treasures sitting right in front of me turned to praise and worship.  Thank you for all these blessings, right here, Lord.  These are the treasures that made it through the fire. This morning, this scene, seemed like an impossibility a year ago, but here we are.  Here we are. Thankful.

Called

1 Corinthians 1:26-27 (AMP)

26 For [simply] consider your own call, brethren; not many [of you were considered to be] wise according to human estimates and standards, not many influential and powerful, not many of high and noble birth.

Today's message was simple.  We are all called.  All.  Not many will choose to answer.  And what are we called to? For each of us, it is something very different.  He called me to write. But what?  The story He asks me to share is the one that came when He called.  And not just once.  He has called me many times.  He called me to be saved.  He called me to speak about my experiences.  He called me first to share a very different story.  And through that story came grace, forgiveness and healing.  That led me to be called again. To be chosen in the moment I was abandoned.  To be made whole when I was made separate.  To be complete in a love that was different than the love I had known and given.  His love, His grace, His own. Our call is the day in day out of what He asks us to live.  Not because of who we were and where we came from, but in spite of it.  So that not only would the world know, but that we would know.  He must be reveled in us...to us...so that we can, in turn, be the calling that He has placed on our lives.  A smile, a hug, a thank you...great callings form a God Who loves intimately.  You.  Me.  Thankful.

5 Minute Friday - Tree

Joining Lisa Jo and the girls for 5 Minute Friday.  No edits, no re-writes and love those that came before you.

TREE.....Go..

It is the tinniest of seeds.  It looks almost to be a grain of sand.  When it is buried, hidden in the soil, something amazing happens.  The smallest of seeds produces the biggest of plants.  It grows as tall as a tree, giving shade and branch and rest to the birds of the air.  Shade and shelter to those who might come sit next to it. That is all that is required of our faith, to give but an honest seed of our faith in Him and He grows it, spilling over blessing onto those who come near.  Those who need shelter, those who need rest.  Those who may be seeking to find their own place to be planted and be a shelter too.  Our faith will always produce the loveliest of things when planted in good soil.  It's in His way and His time that the death of something seemingly so very tiny, can produce the largest of harvest.  Thankful.

Thankful Words

Isaiah 32:17

Amplified Bible (AMP)

17 And the effect of righteousness will be peace [internal and external], and the result of righteousness will be quietness and confident trust forever.

It's been quiet.  He asked me to be quiet.  I had to use my words to say the hard things and then let God do what He will.  And then there was just nothing left.  Yesterday found me yet again wanting to chunk it all. And in that He reminded me of what He has for so long...give it away....use your words when there aren't any left.  Use them for the benefit of someone else.  And when I do, I find myself filled with grace.  When I do, I find He meets my needs, even the smallest ones.  The ones that seem silly and of no bearing and are just heart thoughts.  Yet He sees every one.  In purposely giving thanks and sharing His goodness in my life with others I am reminded, He has never failed me.  He has never left me.  He has never once told me that what I dream doesn't matter.  I may not understand the way, but in looking not at my own self, but at those around me, He lead us.  One hand holding the other.  Thankful.

Habakkuk 3:17-18

The Voice (VOICE)

17 Even if the fig tree does not blossom

    and there are no grapes on the vines,

If the olive trees fail to give fruit

    and the fields produce no food,

If the flocks die far from the fold

    and there are no cattle in the stalls;

18 Then I will still rejoice in the Eternal!

    I will rejoice in the God who saves me!

Monday

I'm doing a study for the next couple of weeks.  It's on being thankful.  Sometimes I forget.  Sometimes the day to day and the not quite yets overtake me and what He has given.  The verse in Chronicles gives us a directive.  Give thanks, call on His name and make known what He has done.  For me, that's with my writing.  It's funny He gave me that word this year and I didn't realize it for quite a while.  It's been a year of twists and turns and ups and downs and honestly a lot of pain.  But from all of those things has come a deep sense of trust and peace and change.  In all these things I see His hand.  They may not have been things I would have chosen, yet they are the very things He has given to bring me closer to Him and closer to what He has in mind for me on this journey.  He has rescued me, He has sheltered me, He has favored me, He has directed me and most of all He has loved me, His girl, the one that spent a whole lot of years running from Him and when I allowed, He has led me right back to Him.  Thankful.

Sunday Scripture

Hebrews 3:15 Voice

Look at the lines from the psalm again: Today, if you listen to His voice, Don’t harden your hearts the way they did in the bitter uprising at Meribah. 

******

"But Derek, there’s always a way.

When things look like there’s no way, there’s a way.

To do the impossible. To survive the unsurvivable. There’s always a way.

And you? You and I have this in common.

You’re inspired.

In the face of the impossible, you’re inspired.

So if I can offer one piece of advice to the world’s foremost neurosurgeon:

Today, if you become frightened, instead, become inspired.”

                                                                      -   Patient talking to Dr. Derek Shepherd, Grey's Anatomy

Ok...so, this post is not even remotely how I thought it would be or what I had planned in my head.  Yet it is right for today.  I listened to church online this morning.  One of our Pastors I thought would be preaching wasn't.  So all my warm fuzzy preconcieveds just went out the window...and no, I don't think preconcieveds is actually a word, but I like it...so ok.  I'm listening, I'm hearing and it isn't what I expected to hear.  It's what I needed to hear.  It's that song that comes on your IPod when you have a stitch in your side and you want to walk, but it makes you say, I can go just a little further....and then before you know it you forgot all about wanting to walk and you just keep running....So then I keep reading a bit this morning and God whispered the scripture above...and I know why, it's another answer I wasn't expecting....so then I search the verse to find the scripture reference and I came across the quote above under....what to do today if you become frightened...so I clicked it.  And I read it.  And it all made a big ol' giant circle round to tie in everything I heard this morning.  So I'll give you the highlights..and if you want to hear the entire sermon, the podcasts are under Liberty Church Pensacola for today's date.  

"Exceptional faith makes room for exceptional results"

"God can't rescue you from the lions den if all you ever do is try to avoid them"

"Fear motivates us to mediocrity"

"Faith feels risky"

Nate Wheeler - Liberty Church, Pensacola

Because it's hard being the one to step out and do something that no one else is doing.  It's hard to risk loosing everything, risking failure, realizing that this may not turn out remotely like you dreamed it would....but then again, it may not turned out ANYTHING like you pictured in your head...it might turn out to be extraordinarily more than you could have ever hoped or dreamed...because you are exceptional.  I am exceptional.  And I serve a God Who delights in the impossible.  Thankful.

*******************

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go"  -T.S. Elliot

Seeds

John 12:24-25

24 I tell you the truth: unless a grain of wheat is planted in the ground and dies, it remains a solitary seed. But when it is planted, it produces in death a great harvest. 25 The one who loves this life will lose it, and the one who despises it in this world will have life forevermore. 

Someone has to go first.  Someone has to be the one to give it a try.  Someone has to say there are more important things that just what I want and what I need and what I feel.  There is no manual for the right way other than His Word.  Someone has to be brave enough to say I may loose everything, but have the hope that what He says is true.  The death of something can bring a great harvest.  I've seen it in my life.  I seen my choices reap a harvest of destruction and I have seen my choices reap a harvest of blessing.  And I guess it's when you stand at the edge of it all, knowing you have done your very best, doubt creeps in.  You just have to go about what He calls you to and wait.  Wait to see what comes from the seeds you have sown.  Wait to see what the rains and the dying of what was put into the ground will produce.  Believing that what He spoke was true, is true.  So perhaps another might look at it all and say...I will try too...Thankful.

Five Minute Friday - Truth

Joining Lisa Jo and the girls for Five Minute Friday...no edits no re-writes and love those that came before you..

TRUTH.....Go

Truth is there are days I don't like this one little bit.  I miss being a wife and what feels like a whole unit...but truth is He makes us whole no matter the size family we are right now.  Truth is most days I still wonder if He even hears me anymore....but the truth is He hears the prayers of the consistently righteous, NOT perfectly righteous...just consistent in seeking Him.  Truth is I fear I may never get this right....the truth is that on my own I won't, but He makes the crooked places straight.  Truth is I fear that alone is terminal...the truth is I am not alone and choosing His way may cause me to walk a while with what feels like empty hands, but my heart is always full.  Truth is most days I really, really love my life and what He has done in me and through me. That is His truth settled in my heart.  It won't always be these days of small, of quiet.  But they are necessary for the truth He is revealing in me.  Thankful.

Stop.

What Can We Bring

Romans 11:29 Amplified Bible 

29 For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable. [He never withdraws them when once they are given, and He does not change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call.]

My verse this morning. It really made me take notice. What He call us to, our gifts, are irrevocable. He doesn't do take backs. I feel quite solid in two of the things He called me to. Writing and encouraging. That is breath to me. It is Him moving through me. But the flip side of those things He has also called me to and they terrify me on the deepest level and when He asks, it is only by his grace I can fulfill them. Make no mistake, all gifts come from and are dependent on Him and Him alone. But some come more naturally to us. I love to write. I love to encourage. But when He asks me to speak words.....so very scary.

The flip side of encouragement for me is hospitality. I want to do it. I have the perfect place to practice it. And my perfectionism gets in the way. My stress level reaches epic proportions.  What if everyone hates what I served, what if the house isn't clean enough or that peeling wall paper or the stained grout or what if no one shows up.....cause that happened. In my fear and stress to do it all right and invite the right ones for the right event, no one showed up. Worst fear confirmed. You are not good enough. You are the worst at this. Never do this again. I bought into that lie. That is until the bottom fell out. And in all that came along with the destruction of walls came a simple prayer....I want to share this...help me. 

I have been given the opportunity to do just that with friends and family and amazing people I share my life with. And as the holidays approach I wanted desperately to offer up what I have and share with those I love. I could feel the fear rising up. But I offered in spite of it. What is wrong with me?!?! Why am I battling this? My youngest sister, not of my own blood, and I were talking of the upcoming events. I offered my space. She offered hers. I gave explanation of mine and she gave explanation of hers. And we decided and we planned. But the beauty came when she recognized my areas of struggle, gave name to them and in the same breath with her words said the way you are is perfect. The way you share is just fine. And it has a place. And it has meaning. 

And for the first time I realized that most of my stress is me trying to fit into a mold I wasn't made to fit into. That my ideas in my head killed my desire in my heart. I was defeated before I ever began. And it took someone looking at me and my heart and validating what I have to offer for me to finally realize, I am enough. This is enough. And the way He made me is just fine. I am created for a unique purpose. No one else can fill it. The space He has given me serves it's own special purpose too. One size does not fit all. And learning to be comfortable in that without expectation allows His grace to flow freely....to me, then through me. Thankful. 

Behind The Scenes - Two

Joining Crystal Stine and the girls today for Behind The Scenes....

These two.  Two.  A double blessing. They don't care about my past, all my mistakes, all the things I may or may not have completely screwed up.  They just love me.  They love me grumpy or happy, on good hair days and bad (this has been tested), sick or well, thin and not so thin, when I had a little, when I had a lot. They hold up a mirror of my words and reactions and repeat them back to me....they celebrate my victories with me...they don't care that I'm STILL in college and at this rate, who knows which of the three of us might finish first....

They remind me who I am.  Who He made me to be if I am lost and can't find my way.  They have been my only reason to crawl out of bed at times.  They silence their critics who ask why their mom still makes their lunch and one secretly dreams of ways to still have this done while attending college :) They circle round on the hard days, they hug and smile and steal all the candy so no one else can find it.  They remind me that not everything I have done in life turned out bad.  They are amazing.  They have been the thread that binds so many together, especially when we were all coming apart at the seams.  These two......Thankful.

Monday

Daniel 10:12 The Voice 

Messenger: 12 Do not be afraid, Daniel. From the very first day that you began to pursue understanding and humble yourself before your God, your words have been heard. I have been sent in response to what you’ve said.

There are times I do wonder, God, do You even hear me?  I have been reading the book of Daniel and in the 10th Chapter, Daniel had been fasting an mourning and praying.  For three weeks.  That is a long time. How often do I feel like this place I am in has been an extended stay holding cell.  My prayers seem unanswered, in fact, all seems way too quiet for my own comfort.  My comfort.  Sometimes in the grand scheme of this, I forget what it is I asked, what it is I prayed and what it is I said I would do.  He heard me long ago.  He heard the weakest, quietest whisper of a girl desperate to find her way back.  And I believe that one word was what He was waiting on.  One word brought Him running.  Sometimes the response to our requests seems unanswered, when in fact it's just delayed.  If you read a bit further in the chapter the reason for the delay to Daniel was given.  And it had nothing to do with him or his prayers.

He hears and He sees.  He knows and we are known.  Nothing is hidden from His sight or from His knowledge.  That's hard to remember when the humbling comes and He asks us to submit to His will.  When we see nothing up ahead, when we don't feel anything, when all seems like it's going down the drain, when we come back to the place of small.  But I know the girl I am is not the girl I was a year ago.  I know what He has done may not seem visible, but when I trace His hand on my life it is big and broad and all encompassing.  What is hidden will come to light.  That can either strike fear in our hearts or make us wait with beautiful anticipation.  I have felt both things.  Embarking on the new is quite honestly terrifying for me. Yet here I am again, and that just means He's not done.  Thankful.

Sunday Scripture

Saturday

I've probably come up with a hundred reasons why I can't.  Even sitting here,I can feel the fear rising up in my stomach.  Truth is, I can...and I have been.  I ran this morning, thinking back over the last days and weeks, thinking about how in even the hardest of situations, I see God's favor on me, on my life.  Even when things don't go remotely like I had planned, I have learned (the hard way..I'm stubborn like that) to eventually just give it up.  I have learned that when I ask for His guidance, He gives it.  When I say...I trust You...He moves.  I don't want to run from hard, but I want to make sure He is in it.  I don't want to call myself doing His will, when perhaps it is just me, holding on to my own willfulness.  Because sometimes, hard is choosing to be still, to step back.

He talked of grace yesterday.  It made me irritable.  I was face to face with it all day until finally it exploded into something that completely broke me.  I was forced to give it, receive it, and do it all in front of my children which, oh my....and it brought a dying to myself, my flesh, my rights, my needs, my wants, my absolute being.  The breaking is required for Him to humble us.  And humility is of great price.

Matthew 7:11

The Voice (VOICE)

11 So if you, who are sinful, know how to give your children good gifts, how much more so does your Father in heaven, who is perfect, know how to give great gifts to His children!

And I have learned, not so easily at times, to settle.  To quiet.  To do what He asks.  And it is through tears mostly, but I was reminded yesterday that this is not an unfamiliar path.  The tears, the breaking, the struggle, the pain all give way to something new.  And something I read last night made me breathe a deep sigh and let it all go...You have to be scared to be brave....Thankful.

5 Minute Friday - Grace

Joining Lisa Jo and the girls for 5 Minute Friday  - No edits, no re-writes and love those that came before.
 GRACE: go....

There are days that I want Him to stop asking me to give grace, I want there to be an end to it.  There are days when the grace that He asks me to give brings pain, not joy.  There are days that grace seems far removed from my life and something that only fairy tales are made of.  These are the days of the dry, dusty road when despair overtakes all that I know to be true.  Grace is to be loved, to be favored, to be chosen, to be forgiven, to be set apart, to be special, to be known and treasured above all the rest.  Grace is not earned.  Grace is not for sale.  Grace is given freely not because of who you are but because of Who's you are.  To give grace is to have it flow through your inmost parts and out to another.  Grace is big and whole and messy and it's velocity cannot be measured.  Grace washes over and never ever hits it's intended target without splashing onto everything else around it.  The vessel itself included.  Thankful.

Stop.