Ephesians 1:18 (VOICE)
18 Open the eyes of their hearts, and let the light of Your truth flood in. Shine Your light on the hope You are calling them to embrace. Reveal to them the glorious riches You are preparing as their inheritance.
It has just been a long few weeks. Lots of twists and turns. Lots of Him asking me to do the hard work....still. And I am tired. And as I could feel the frustration building in me as wave after wave crashed over, He called me more and more into quiet as He revealed things to me. As He asked, He showed me the flip side....remember? How well I do. He showed me that the hard work now feels, well, hard. But the result of that is a very different one than if I went full steam ahead into something that I know better than to. I've been there before.
As the days came this week, so did the unending pressure of all that is on my shoulders and the weight of it became too much. I use to tell the children when they were small and had a tantrum...you are showing yourself... I showed myself big yesterday and it ended in a meltdown complete with snot bubbles. The raw of my emotions spilled over into one giant sob fest. I spent more time in the bathroom trying to compose myself than I did anything else I suppose. Those tears needed to come, however inconvenient the time and place.
As the last chunk of the wall fell down, I had a choice between vomiting my frustrations again or just simply giving a smile and keeping my mouth shut (praise God I chose the latter), some very real truths hit me face on. I was humbled, as He has done so many times before, but this time, with such an amazing revelation of the truth in spite of my feelings. I AM blessed. I AM favored. I AM loved. He has not left me to myself to figure this all out. And as much as He has asked me to do things that I once considered an impossibility, He has given me the tools to do it. I watched Him love me in the middle of my ungrateful meltdown as He reminded me it's not about my ability to perfectly maneuver the hurdles I am faced with. It's just about saying yes and falling forward sometimes. It's about making the choices that say Who my heart belongs to, even when sometimes it's the last thing I really want to do. It's the right way.
So He spoke to me last night in one of my love languages. He reminded me that every prayer sent, every little thought and word, He does hear. He does see. He has a reason. He is God and I am not. Thankful.
Colossians 3:15-17 (VOICE)
15 Let your hearts fall under the rule of the Anointed’s peace (the peace you were called to as one body), and be thankful.
16 Let the word of the Anointed One richly inhabit your lives. With all wisdom teach, counsel, and instruct one another. Sing the psalms, compose hymns and songs inspired by the Spirit, and keep on singing—sing to God from hearts full and spilling over with thankfulness. 17 Surely, no matter what you are doing (speaking, writing, or working), do it all in the name of Jesus our Master, sending thanks through Him to God our Father.