Wednesday, November 6, 2013

What Can We Bring

Romans 11:29 Amplified Bible 
29 For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable. [He never withdraws them when once they are given, and He does not change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call.]

My verse this morning. It really made me take notice. What He call us to, our gifts, are irrevocable. He doesn't do take backs. I feel quite solid in two of the things He called me to. Writing and encouraging. That is breath to me. It is Him moving through me. But the flip side of those things He has also called me to and they terrify me on the deepest level and when He asks, it is only by his grace I can fulfill them. Make no mistake, all gifts come from and are dependent on Him and Him alone. But some come more naturally to us. I love to write. I love to encourage. But when He asks me to speak very scary.

The flip side of encouragement for me is hospitality. I want to do it. I have the perfect place to practice it. And my perfectionism gets in the way. My stress level reaches epic proportions.  What if everyone hates what I served, what if the house isn't clean enough or that peeling wall paper or the stained grout or what if no one shows up.....cause that happened. In my fear and stress to do it all right and invite the right ones for the right event, no one showed up. Worst fear confirmed. You are not good enough. You are the worst at this. Never do this again. I bought into that lie. That is until the bottom fell out. And in all that came along with the destruction of walls came a simple prayer....I want to share me. 

I have been given the opportunity to do just that with friends and family and amazing people I share my life with. And as the holidays approach I wanted desperately to offer up what I have and share with those I love. I could feel the fear rising up. But I offered in spite of it. What is wrong with me?!?! Why am I battling this? My youngest sister, not of my own blood, and I were talking of the upcoming events. I offered my space. She offered hers. I gave explanation of mine and she gave explanation of hers. And we decided and we planned. But the beauty came when she recognized my areas of struggle, gave name to them and in the same breath with her words said the way you are is perfect. The way you share is just fine. And it has a place. And it has meaning. 

And for the first time I realized that most of my stress is me trying to fit into a mold I wasn't made to fit into. That my ideas in my head killed my desire in my heart. I was defeated before I ever began. And it took someone looking at me and my heart and validating what I have to offer for me to finally realize, I am enough. This is enough. And the way He made me is just fine. I am created for a unique purpose. No one else can fill it. The space He has given me serves it's own special purpose too. One size does not fit all. And learning to be comfortable in that without expectation allows His grace to flow me, then through me. Thankful. 

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