October 14, 2009 found me in probably the worst shape I had ever been in. I was at my heaviest weight and I knew that something had to change. And so I began. Slow changes. Just putting one foot in front of the other. Something changed in me that day. I was determined to get back to where I needed to be. This journey was not what I expected, yet it has been everything I needed. And as I grew strong and saw unimaginable changes in my body and my strength and all the things I never believed I could do, they gave me the ability to withstand and face the tearing down and restoration of my spiritual life as well. In March 2012, I was in the middle of an unexpected separation, my whole world shaken, and I agreed to run a 5K with a friend who had never done it before. So we ran it. That weekend proved to be one of the hardest of my life. But I ran. I didn't let it stop me.
It wasn't lost on me that two years, later, the same day and the same activities going on found me again running a race. But a half marathon. My first. And it speaks to how far I have come in these past two years. I had no idea what to expect. 13.1 miles is farther than any distance I have ever run. The beginning found me with friends, getting my breath, finding my pace and wanting to quit. Everything telling me no way...you can't hope to do this. But I knew I had no choice. Mile 5 found me at the first turn around. I was alone and I thought awesome...We are headed back in the right direction....all down hill. Then the sun and the heat began to beat down with no shade in sight. The race had gotten pushed back until 9 am. Super late to run for this girl. By mile 7, I hit a wall. I thought I just could not take one more step. I made it to the water station and walked the table. Got some water and caught my breath. Keep going. Finally I saw people again and more signs of the where I was going...surely it was almost finished....nope. Mile 10. At this point I was in the unknown. This was as far as I have ever ventured in the physical. I had no idea how things would go. The heat, I was nauseous and then seriously.....hills. NOW?!??! Hills?? I kept going. I saw people coming back the other way and a glimpse to the left of the finish line....YES!!! Not much longer....Oh. My. Lanta...so much longer...My emotions got the better of me...I started getting panicked. Surely the turn around was right here! Did I miss it? Am I going the wrong way?? No, indeed. I was on the right path. Mile 11 and I couldn't feel my legs anymore. Which is a strange sensation. How do you keep going? I just began telling myself to move..do not stop. And then we ran behind warehouses and closed off places that seemed abandoned and I thought really?!?! Here? and my body started to shut down. And my only option was to walk. And as I was getting my breathing back under control, God reminded me, He has been telling me for two weeks now....walk. Because part of this journey I did run. I had to, it was required. But right here, right now, in order to make it to the finish...I had to walk. And as the tears threatened to come, I saw a sight that made me literally laugh. It brought back the most beautiful of memories. And it gave me strength to keep moving.....
March 2010 found me running my first ever race. It was a 5K I had no idea what I was doing, but I wanted to do it. It was out of my comfort zone. My husband didn't want me to do it alone. So we ran together. About 1/15 of a mile in, I had to walk :) I told him "go ahead of me" he said "no way". He stayed right with me. Jogging in place, waiting for me, running in a circle around me saying "Come on baby you got this! You can do this! You are not quitting!!!" And we got close to the finish and he said "give me your hand, we are finishing this together". And we did. Of course that was the first time I ever sprinted.....because He had hold of me and would not let go.
So in the middle of mile 11, I see a guy encouraging his girl to keep going....all while jogging circles around her :) Remember where you came from baby girl....And so with new breath I began to run again. Mile 12. Almost there. 1.1 miles. And what seemed so long when I was coming the other direction was moving faster. And I looked over and thought oh, I remember that place! And I kept going and things looked deserted....the excitement of earlier seemed left in a ghost town of paper cups and no water left......just keep going. My insides were screaming and I slowed to a walk to have a chat with myself. Crawl if you have to Kimberly but you are going to finish this. You have worked too hard and come too far....
And then a finisher sitting on the side of the road, encouraging those of us coming along said...your almost there! Look, see the flags?? That's the finish...And I saw it. And I started running. And I started running faster and I wanted to puke and pass out and die. But I could do all of that if I so desired AFTER I crossed that line. And I did. Yes I did.
3 hours and 4 minutes. The hardest physical thing I have ever done. A dream I never believed would come trued. But it did. Because I didn't quit. And in the end I was sunburnt and sore and felt physical things that were foreign to me. But it changed me. The last part was the hardest. Harder than I imagined. Harder than the first part ever dreamed of being. And sometimes you gotta walk a little. But that finish line....that finish line. I'm not sorry for one ounce of anything it took to get me here, no. Because is wasn't necessarily the 13 that got me...it was taking that .1 extra...that .1 held what I had been waiting for all along. The finish. Thankful.
Way to go!! As I read this the verses from IS 40:30,31 came to mind. You will run and not grow weary, you will walk and not grow faint. I'm so glad you didn't give up, thanks for sharing your inspiring story!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Alecia :) I am so glad I kept going too. That verse is a reminder to me quite often :)
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