Why Friday's Are Good

It's been a little while.  At one point I began to question.  This is a long silence Lord.  I think sometimes that is necessary to get yourself back to a point where you can hear Him.  He's been leading....I, following, but still, at one point I wondered, where are You?  And He said "Come here".  Lay it all down, let go for a while.  Be still. 

Today, I was so ready for it.  And so I did just what He asked of me, and He took care of everything around me while I rested.  He does that you know.  Takes care of everything.  Our wants our desires our needs, and it seems that when we finally throw our hands up in the air and say oh forget it! Take it God, I need a break!  Everything we struggled with, He handles flawlessly in the blink of an eye.  Where we end, He begins. 

Today, He gave me a staggering reminder of what He has been saying to me for the past 443 days.  My Way.  My Time.  God's timing is ALWAYS perfect.  He led me to the story of Lazarus last year.  I could relate on many levels.   Mostly the "if You had just been here God You could have saved the day" part. 

But He knew.  He received word.  And He waited.  He waited.   You know they had to have been in full on panic.  He loves us!  He cares for us!  WHERE IS HE??? This makes no sense! Why haven't we heard from Him??  Haven't we done what we were supposed to do? To call for Him, to trust Him, to obey? I have been at that point.  What now Lord?  I did exactly what You asked.  And I'm left with ashes.  What now?  Why didn't you save it?  What was the point?

The point was to show His power, His glory who HE is, not what we do.  He is the God of miracles.  He's the God of Resurrections.  And as I read further, I can say those feelings and words have been my own.  God, it's dead.  DEAD.  Over.  You didn't make it in time.  But I think just as He allowed Lazarus to die, and be dead for a time, it made the miracle all that more, well, a miracle.  There was NO denying God when He moved.  None.  There was no question that a death had occurred.  And then He took what was completely lost, and breathed new life into it.  New.  Fresh.  Alive. 

Death of something is not the end when we trust ourselves, our very souls, to the One who created them in the first place.  It wasn't the end on that Friday long, long ago.  And it's not the end when what is entrusted to Him faces death.  Sometimes THAT is just the beginning....because a Sunday always follows a Friday.

Dare You.....

Today was a special day for me.  It has meaning.  It has come and gone twice in the last 15 months.  Both times bringing pain.  But today was different.  Today as I looked at all that has been lost, I was overwhelmed by all that has been given.  Last year, a song spoke very poigently to my very soul.  It was God talking to me about this journey.  As I was praying this morning it came on the radio.  And as I let the words wash over my heart, the one thing I knew He was asking me became so clear to me.....

"Dare you to move like today never happened before".....like you were never hurt, like you never lost, like you have everything to gain and absolutely nothing to loose....because the Creator of all things, the Restorer of all things is the One who tell us to love all people, with reckless abandon.  Like we just can't loose.  No matter what.  And I felt a tiny piece of that today.  I have everything.  I have been given so much.  How can I not forgive the way He has?  Love the way He has loved me? Dare you.....

Perspective

At the end of last year I flew on an airplane. I have not done that since I was 17......that's a really long time ;)

Coming home, flying over the water and marsh areas, I noticed the patterns the waterways and little rivers made, all going out into the big main body of water.

Some of these little paths led to a dead end. Unless you were familiar with the way, you would not know that until you got there. And I saw little boats. Traveling along their way. All making progress toward the big open water.

What God impressed upon me was that there I am, that little boat, making my way down the narrow path. Depending on His guidance to get me to where He ultimately wants me to be.

From my view point, I could see it all. All the paths. The right way and the dead ends. I knew exactly where that little boat needed to go.

Where I could only observe, God is actively involved. He has the view from above but He is also there guiding us down the narrow path He chooses for us to get where we are going.


THE Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack. He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters. He refreshes and restores my life (my self); He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him--not for my earning it, but] for His name’s sake. Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me. (Psalm 23:1-4 AMP)

Yes and Amen

2 Corinthians 1:20

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ.  And so through Him the "Amen" is spoken through us to the glory of God.

In church this morning, our Pastor made mention of something I have heard before.  What if our answer to God was just "yes".  Every morning.  Yes.  You just got butterflies in your stomach huh? Me too :) Yes.  To whatever You say Lord.  No matter the question.  No matter the cost. 

In this place I am, with these dreams, these desires in my heart, I find myself saying God, just yes.  Because no matter what, for me, at this point, there just isn't really any other option.  I know what it is to say no way!!! And "no way", better classified as "my way" is never better than His way and then "my way" ends up bringing me back to His way anyway and whew.....are you tired?  Me too.  That's what happens with my way.  I go off, get lost, and end up right back where I started.  With a whole lotta baggage, bumps and bruises to show for it. 

So, it seems, yes, and sometimes, that yes is best before we even know what the question might be, is always the best way.  The most comfortable?  No.  What seems the most rational? Probably not.  But the peaceful way... the safest way? Absolutely.  I have experienced that peace.  Peace in the storm raging.  God's Hand of mercy, sheltering me from all that seeks to destroy.  But it cannot.  Because I am His and nothing can pluck me from His Hand. 

So I am saying Yes Lord.  I did hold my breath when I typed that.  Because I know that there are days when "Yes" can really feel like a bad word.  But I know that even on those days, it all works for His glory.  His Purpose.  And my ultimate good.  Amen (so be it).

My God Sized Dream

So I've been following my God Sized Dream .  Holly Gerth  just published a book about it and many amazing women are writing about theirs.  Today they shared what God is calling them to....and as I read it I knew, God was whispering for me to speak it.  To say out loud all those hidden dreams, to speak them into life, outside of the protective inner spaces of my heart where I only talk to Him about them.  Confess these dreams He has given me.  Say what He has called me to.  And then watch Him take me and my dreams to places I never could have imagined.

I have always been a writer.  Always.  It's like breathing to me.  And even if the only person it ever impacts is me, I have to do it.  When I ran from it....for 7 years.....I was miserable.  This past year putting pen to paper and now blogging again, my heart feels whole.  There are days when I have to get it out and the words seem jumbled and make no sense.  Until I read it later.....and I think God, You did it again!!  Where did that come from??  Writing, speaking, the things I have done for a very long time, they are a dream of mine, but not my God Sized dream.  They are a part of it, but my dream.....my hearts desire.....

Is to be a wife...again
To be a mommy....again
To use this testimony that He is working out in my life...for restoration of others
And to become what I have desperately always wanted to be....an encourager

That is what He speaks to me over and over.  And I want it.  All of it.  For His glory and to serve others the way that He called us to.

Wow.  That felt big :) And not so scary after all.....Dream big baby girl.  Amazing things happen when you least expect it.

On The Inside

I was thinking last night, laying here looking at my closet....sigh....everything looks so good from the outside. But the inside sometimes is a jumbled mess of chaos that needs help.

That's pretty much how I felt yesterday. It's so easy to look at the outside and think wow, they have it all, their life is perfect....

But what inside, what's really going on isn't that at all. And it makes me mindful to keep my eyes on Him and not judge, not to assume anything but to always be sensitive to hear His voice and reach out to those in need.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way. Never let yourself think that you are wiser than you are; simply obey the Lord and refuse to do wrong. (Proverbs 3:5-7 GNT)

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The Greatest Of These....

This entry I wrote over a year ago.  As I was reading through some things today, I realized that these words ring so very true even today, just where I am at.  And when I said that I was changing me...my....I had no idea how very powerful this love He called me to really is.....

March 7, 2012

How do you love through the pain? Through rejection, through no guarantee that things will ever be the same again? Through hurt, through sadness through confusion and through the fact that you may never have it back again? Why? What is the point? The point is that true love, agape love, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and most of all, this love never fails. That love is love that you can only have in your heart if you have God's love in your life.

A love that is above anything you have in your own strength to give, a love that wants more for someone else than for yourself, a love that says I will bear this affliction if it is what is required right now. It's God's love, shown through you. It's a hard love, a stubborn love, a fighting love, a giving love, a mighty love and a love that is able to conquer all things. It says I love you for who you are, where you are, where you might go and where we can be.

This love requires sacrafice. This love makes you die to yourself. This love is painful because it's not about you or your comfort, but about putting someone else above anything you want or hope for. This love is freeing. It's beautiful and lovely and pure.

You are worth it. Every sacrafice, every pain, every fear, every doubt. You are worth this love. This love truly changes everything. It changes the hardest of hearts, the blindest of eyes and the deepest of regrets. I know......because it's changing me everyday.

The Darkest Night

Isaiah 53:11-12 MSG

Out of that terrible travail of soul,
he’ll see that it’s worth it and be glad he did it.
Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant,
will make many “righteous ones,”
as he himself carries the burden of their sins.
Therefore I’ll reward him extravagantly—
the best of everything, the highest honors—
Because he looked death in the face and didn’t flinch,
because he embraced the company of the lowest.
He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,
he took up the cause of all the black sheep.

I was reading this morning, this scripture, about Jesus and what He did when He died for our sins.  And as I read this I am reminded, we are called to share in His suffering.  No, we are not dying for the sins of the world.  He did that.  He alone died for our salvation.  But when we are called to suffer as He did, die to the flesh for the benefit of others, that pain can be excruciating. 

When our struggles call others to Him, when we then carry the burdens of others on our shoulders in prayer, when we then seek to serve those who may cause us pain so that they may see God in His most human form, when we love those who others might say are unlovable at times....even when they wound, even when we don't understand, even when the pain is so great we fear we may collapse, but say Your will Lord above my own...we then share in His suffering.  And today I also needed to be reminded that I will share in His glory. 

For the story did not end with tears, but with triumph.  His will triumphed.  His planned won out.  His purpose was fulfilled.  And so will His purpose for my life be when I walk the path He chooses for me in obedience.  As much as it feels like it, this will not last forever.  And it's purpose is to share with others the truth that my own heart knows.  I am nothing without You Lord. 

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Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV

When A Dream Becomes A Reality

I had a situation in my life, something I wanted desperately, but never dreamed it would be a reality when I saw how much the cost would be.  I seemed unattainable, out of reach and in all honesty, what I was told I needed was not how I envisioned it.  Mostly because it made it even more unatainable.  So I dreamed.....there was just no way it was ever going to be a reality.  But part of me......oh part of me, just would not give up.  In the middle of my darkest days, that dream actually became a reality.  It was difficult and I look back now and think how in the world did I manage to do that??  It was my dream.  And no price I had to pay was to steep when I was given this once in a lifetime chance.  Nothing was going to stand in my way.  And nothing did. 

About a year later, I had the chance to talk with someone who walked the same path as mine, with less than happy results.  I was very happy with my choice, but didn't realize just how unhappy I would have been if I would have tried to take the easy way out and get what I thought I wanted all because I was fearful.  I had the chance to dream big and I jumped.

I'm faced with the chance once again to dream big.  And I'm jumping.  I have no idea how in the world God will ever make this work, but He's God, and that's not my job.  It's my job to trust and obey and dream.....big.....amazing....impossible.  But I'm reminded every day that the impossible is made reality more often than we realize with a God that knows no bounds.