I'm standing here. One very tiny girl in one very large valley looking at a mountain that I cannot explain or describe. I cannot turn to the left or the right. And honestly, there is no way I'm turning back. So here I stand. And it's big. And it looks impossible and for the life of me I cannot imagine what purpose He has in bringing me to this. Has all this not been hard enough? Have I made a wrong turn that brought me to THIS?!?! Did I get the direction wrong cause Lord, You KNOW how hard directions are for me.....and I get silence. And I want to cry.....ok I have already started crying about it....and I'm fearful. I do not understand. And so here I am. Looking. Waiting. Knowing I have to go forward.
Move forward into a land I know nothing about. No direction, no confirmation. Just. Don't. Panic. And keep doing the last thing He told me to, even though that seems like the stupidest thing in the world right now. Yes, I said stupid. Dumb, forget it, what are you thinking?!?!! Hello?!?!....all those things keeps running through my mind...as my dream looks more and more impossible and that mountain looks steeper than anything I have ever come against, still, He is with me. Even if I can't feel Him. Even when it is so dark I can't see anything, He's here.
I trust You Lord. It's my choice. I don't feel. It isn't easy and it's taking every ounce of faith I have to keep this bubble of hope alive. But I can't let go of the notion that my God is a BIG God and ALL things are possible with Him. And if He can love someone so desperately, the way I know He does, then I have to trust that even though this hurts, He's doing it out of love for me, love for them and for our good.
So Im looking at this mountain just about the way I looked at that bridge last weekend. My eyes were wide with fear when I came around the corner and saw it at a distance. You HAVE GOT to be kidding!! No way!! But the closer I came to i,t the less daunting it seemed and before I knew it I was on top of it and on my way down.....to the finish line....to the end of a very long journey. And I wasn't sorry for that hill. It didn't scare me anymore. I faced it. I made it. And I'll make it over this mountain too. One step at a time.