I said all of this....if it is what He has called me to, would be worth it if it changed just one life. If it brought one person to know Him. She looked at me and said "it did". So how do you measure that? How do you let that sink in? It doesn't register most days. That my mess showed someone His love and made them want to follow Him. I want to run from it all on most days if I am being honest with myself. But she wasn't looking at me....she was looking at Him.
I prayed..OH HOW I PRAYED...God please, send me the people you want in my life...and He sent her to me....my sister. The one who didn't understand a thing I was saying, yet she kept listening, probably thought I was a little crazy, yet still stayed right with me. All the while she was changing right along side with me. She was very aware of church...everyone around us goes. I went...I invited, she refused, I kept praying. And one day she wanted to go. And I took her with me. And then she went again, on her own...and I saw it, something was different. I didn't know when or how or any of that...but I knew. He won her over too.
And so I wept...ok I sobbed..when I was there to witness her baptism a couple days ago. Another step in the journey for her....another step in the journey for me. This broken road, leading others to His healing, leading me to His healing. Perhaps without my brokenness there would have been none of this. Perhaps He knew I could shoulder this load to go down this most painful of trails to get to the ones He needed to reach. To let Him save them and in turn, let Him save me. To leave the 99 for the 1.
I laughed one day when I was looking at our middle names...what they mean together....she made us a picture of it..
Because it fits us both. Two pieces of His puzzle...she is a beautiful thing that causes joy. She made me laugh again...bubble laughter..that spills over and makes your heart heal....and God has certainly brought me back to life, back to activity in all of this and I have had a complete change...a spiritual change....a heart change.
So I'm thankful for her. I'm so proud of her. He reminds me that this isn't for nothing. This has purpose. Genesis 50:20.