Stumbling

It comes....on the heels of such a shift, it always does.  I think it's me, not Him.  If I can do this, then things will be even better.....no.  I spent an evening exhausted, stressed out and in tears.  If I can just be better, do better, prove to You.....then perhaps You will see me worthy.  Such the trap I allow myself to fall into.  But I made the hard choice this morning.  And my own striving let someone else down.  And so another hard lesson learned.  It is He who provides what I need.  And it's not based on how many hoops I jump through.  He knows me.  He knows where I'm at, where my struggles are.  I think the devil does too sometimes.  If he can just distract me....then I loose my peace, I won't spend time in the Word.  I become performance driven instead of being still under the weight of His grace.  It's not about what I do.  And I have that voice in the back of my head that says ....you are soooooo lazy if you even think about taking a break!  There is so much to do.....

Romans 11:29
²⁹ You see, when God gives a grace gift and issues a call to a people, He does not change His mind and take it back.

I'm always so afraid He will change His mind if I'm not doing everything perfect.  But let's be honest, I have never been perfect and in fact, I'm that kid who went on sabbatical for oh, I don't know......10 YEARS before He said.... let's try this again Baby Girl, no more time to waste....So this verse in Romans has been His reminder to me this week.  He doesn't take it back.  And if He removes something it is to bring something that in the long run, will be better for me.  And I'm counting on it.