It's been a two week span that has felt like months. I lost track of days at one point. So much I did not expect while again, going all the way back to look at things I would have just assumed stayed tucked away forever. But it seems spring cleaning around these parts isn't limited to houses and yards, no. God has a way of opening up rooms long since forgotten, undisturbed by visitors. These places hold their ugly though and even if we don't think so, it still seeps in through the cracks and vents and thin layers of it are ever present. In moving forward, I had to look back at things that I wish never were, yet they are a part of my story and who I am today. And coming face to face with these left me looking around wondering what to do. I could completely escape it all and run the other way. Forget all the pain it caused and put a lock on those doors. The last couple of weeks left me frozen in all kinds of fear. And the biggest lesson I learned from it all is this....Sometimes standing still IS the right thing.
In the past I would have just turned around and run. Forget it. TOO HARD. This time I didn't run at all. I couldn't move, but I didn't try and escape it. The longer I stood and faced my fears, the stronger I became and the less fear I felt. And that's progress. That's growing. That is change. I did a whole lot of standing, very much afraid. And it stole my words, and made me question who I am and what God even asked of me. It made me loose sleep and cry tears that I thought I would never get over, but this thing that felt like it would destroy me didn't this time.
Literally three months ago, it's like the flood gates opened. All these things were good, things we worked hard for and prayed for and then waited for. And when they came, they came. No warning, no preparation, it's time. All good things, some I have been waiting for for two years. And I was getting what I wanted....but oh.my.lanta....Here's what I learned....
Sowing the seeds and waiting IS just the beginning. Because when God opens up the door and begins to bring things to pass it happens way faster than you ever dreamed and IT IS HARD WORK PEOPLE!!!! Sowing that little seed, yes, work. But harvesting that big' ole plant....girl you better have been developing some spiritual muscle while you waited! It's why we shouldn't waste the wait :) Who knew.
I finally, finally got to run yesterday morning. Such a beautiful day. And as I moved and did what He made me to do, they came, my words, they came. It's okay to be afraid. We all are. But don't let it keep you there. When the time is right you have to move, afraid or not, ready or not, with your little grain of mustard faith. Thankful.