I remember it well. It had only been days, but the panic woke me and I could hardly breathe. How would I do this? What was going to happen to me and the kids? I had no idea how this would work out....no idea. And the fear I felt was more than I thought one body could take. I believed at any moment my heart might literally explode. And I tried to breathe. Tried to sleep. Nothing. I decided that full time work was going to be a must. Part time wasn't going to pay the bills. And so I began.
Each time an opening would come, I would apply. It was something that I knew I could do and I knew I would like. Each application brought a no thank you email. And so I continued. Apply, no thank you. Apply, no, no thank you. Apply....and I was waiting for the email asking me not to apply anymore. Opportunity came for two part time jobs. Little did I know the flexibility I would need when this school year arrived. Little did I know all the things this job that kept me hidden would teach me. I didn't know how I would make it yet again when my preschool job wasn't there anymore. Just me and full time and learning how to live on less again. Yet, He made a way. Seven long months of just day in and day out. One missed phone call realized late on a Friday night. I got an interview. One panicked phone call and message left to say yes, yes, yes, I did want to interview. Another Monday morning call to confirm. The day arrived and I had no expectations, because I never expected I was actually going to get a chance anyways. But here I was, yes, here I was. And walking back through double doors she told me that the panel, all six of them, would be conducting the interview. Oh my...not what I expected. So I did my best and used my words and said a prayer and thought, well, I never thought I would even get that chance, so, it is what it is. Then nothing. Nothing. Days passed, no word, then suddenly.....they wanted to tentatively offer me the job, did I want to continue on in the process? Funny thing when you say yes and you have no idea what you are really saying yes to.....but no was never an option.
Diploma and card verifications and oh.....fill this out for your polygraph....ahem....huh? This is also when you smile politely and say thank you all the while you are thinking what in the world am I doing?!?!?! Then they call to schedule and you miss said call....twice...and finally they call your cell and you are set to go the very next day....and block off three hours...WHAT ???? If you know me just the word test insights panic...with especially horrid memories of earth science and extra credit....but there is only one way through. When the last T was crossed and I was dotted, yeah....nothing to do but wait. And I heard nothing. For 3 weeks...then out of the blue....reference checks began to happen. Then nothing. NOTHING. Oh my lanta. And then out of the blue on a Tuesday at 4:30 my boy calls to say that I got a call saying my paperwork was all done.....when might you be able to start? Yeah. That just happened.
And the girl that laid in her bed two and half years ago wondering how and when and what.....yeah, she made it just fine. And all that time and all those tears and all that random starting and stopping made her able to walk through a new door that allowed her to do something amazing. Something she dreamed of yet never really quite believed would come true. But He's in that business, He is. I needed that reminder. It's been a long beautiful week and my brain is sore from learning so much new, but I am able. Yes I am. Thankful.