Tuesday, March 3, 2015
I have started quite a few blog posts over the past week. Yet my words seem to fail. I'm feeling quite pressed. But it's the pressing that releases what's inside of us, yes. And fear comes calling in the slightest of ways yet wraps around quietly before I realize. And then I'm bound. You see I'm quite the perfectionist. And as much as I have a heart knowledge of how much I am loved just as I am, the head part just doesn't get in line. And I'm fearing the wrong choice. Because I have to do it right. Because if I don't well then, won't God's plans just be ruined....and then won't I have to go back to square one...because do overs....my biggest fear. What I prayed for today is wisdom. And what He showed me is that do overs are different than back rounds. I've had a do over. And it taught me much. But it was the absolute hardest thing I have ever faced. And as I look back I realize I had absolutely no plan. None. I had no idea how this would go or what would happen to me. I just wanted to do it any other way than how I had been doing it. Anything that would change me. And it did. And day by day He walked me through. I'm back there now. Not in a do over but a back around. Facing things again, but I'm stronger. I'm different. And my response can be different each time I circle back. Until one day there will be no mountain here. And I'll go on. But it will be settled. And there will be peace. And I will be better for it. And there will be no fear. Thankful.