Thursday, February 12, 2015
This week has felt like a blur. That kind of happens after I have a long run. It shakes things up. Highlights things I might otherwise be happy to leave set. He has other plans. I find myself torn lately. What exactly is it that I want? Because the thing I thought would make me happy, what I had been searching for is actually bringing me anxiety. And I'm perplexed. The thing that I wanted most I am coming to find, is to be myself. To be settled and happy and comfortable in my own skin. To be loved for me. I used to be so willing to change everything about me to accommodate everyone else in my life. It left me worn out and exhausted. I lost myself. These three years have been more about finding me than anything else. If I'm the girl He made me to be, if I'm doing what I was made to do, all the rest will fall right into place. The process isn't pleasant at times. But it has purpose. And He will hold me there until I'm ready for what comes next. I'm fearing less and less these times of coming, of going....of quiet. Saying no to fear really does lessen its bite. I think it grows quite bored of places continually held up to His light and the truth. No fear, I can whisper. Not today. Thankful.