Sunday, September 8, 2013

Without Restraint

So, just spending some time being quiet and wondering what in the world is next.  Two years ago, God started me on this journey.  It's like He said ok sister, 16 years of learning and wandering and good choices and bad choices....time to get busy.....

A year and a half before that, He began laying a foundation, changing me, developing something in me that has always been there, but I had never really took notice of.  That brought me to August 2011.  My journey to just loose the weight I had gained and finally be where I wanted to be found this girls world turning upside down.  Once I scratched the surface, the well just started bubbling and everything I thought I knew, well, I just had no idea.  I wanted to just be thin again.  Two years later, the girl that looks at me every morning makes me shake my head at times.  WHERE did you come from?!?!  I wanted something so very small, but I received something so very large.

Then, my marriage fell apart.  And God asked me to do something crazy...He asked me to stand.  He reminded me that I had made a vow to my husband, but I made a covenant with Him.  And again, I started on this journey having no idea what would come of it.  I couldn't do this on my own, could not stand on my own two feet.  But I have.  Through His grace and being obedient to Him, I'm standing in a place I never dreamed I would.  What I had asked for was very small.  What I received has been again, something amazing.

So when God decided to move me in a different direction a month or so ago I panicked.  He has begun stripping things away from me again.  Making me stand up on my own two feet and trust in Him alone.  No husband, no boot camp and now, the other thing I depended on....the job I have done for 10 years, gone too as of this past week.  And as I ran this morning, He reminded me..First of all, I am running.  2 years ago, I never dreamed that would be a possibility.  Going to class in the evening was a crutch for me.  He said you can do this on your own.  And so I have.  And it has been amazing.  And almost two years later, I never thought I could be by myself and do this parenting thing and running a household alone.  But I have, by being obedient to Him and He has honored that.  And so here I stand again, the job that I depended on, but I knew He was calling me out of, but I would have never left on my own, gone too.  And as scary as this feels, I'm lighter and have that deep abiding peace running through my soul.  I have had to cling to and depend on Him to part the red seas more than ever in the past two years.  And He has been faithful.

When I discussed everything with my girl, she looked at me and said "Mom, after all we have been through, this really kinda feels like nothing"....she has walked this fire with me.  God has changed my children's beautiful hearts and those words meant everything to me.  Thankful.

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