Word

Joining Bonnie and the girls at Faith Barista today...

The water unfroze itself thankfully yesterday.  Just a little ice and nothing bad.  I was desperately thankful. Since I had come home early to check and all was well, I went for a run in the thaw that had finally found us. This morning I woke early to turn on the coffee and the heat before waking the children.  And....we had coffee, but it seems the heat just didn't want to cooperate.  I smiled.  This, I can manage, because what's a morning without changing it up a little?  Each morning this week has brought some sort of change or challenge.  Although I can't say what, they each held purpose.  Last year, everyone was talking about one word.  A word for the year.  I had just come back to writing online after years away from it all together and all of 2012 written with pen and paper.  This world of blogging was new to me.  But as I continued to let the days and the words transform me into what He walked me through, my word hunted me down and took root.  It was the answer given long long long before I even had the question.  It was the first piece of this puzzle God was putting together with the shards of my heart.  Thankful.....There it was one day and little did I know it had come home to stay.  Little did I know He was teaching me to live thankful no matter the state I found myself in.  Hard lesson learned.  Tear stained, gut wrenching, battle fought word it was to my heart. But that gave way to what He wanted to do in me.  And in the very stillness of the ending of what was an even crazier year than 2012, something else sprang up.....something He promised me long ago.....something that seemed like a fairy tale......joy.  It was the thing that began spilling out of me in the strangest of times.  I couldn't control it.  I am afflicted, but joyful....things are not as I want them to be, yet I am still joyful......a surrendered heart is a joyful heart.  Weeping endured for the night....two very long years....but then joy came, the morning He promised.  And I can't even tell you what that means exactly.  He really isn't big on giving me the itinerary.  Give thanks....then the joy comes.  And joy is not what I expected it to be.  It's not happy, light, fluffy with giggle and grins.  It's solid and unmoving.  It is settled and unswerving.  It is the knowledge, the heart knowledge, that for this girl, means one very important thing.  He will not leave.  He will not abandon me.  And that a really big deal for this heart.  Joy is realizing I am never doing this alone, that His provisions are not dependent on my ability or resources, that He truly calls me to obey and if I'm doing what He is asking me to do, then He is going to meet my every need so I can continue to do just that. Without fear, without worry....with joy.  Thankful.