1,084

Seems random. It's days. Steps. Do overs. It's how many times I have woken up since the day I woke up and my life changed in an instant. And I don't count them much anymore. But today, I wondered. Because today I asked the question again....how long Lord? Because the season is pressing tight and my tendency is to run. But I haven't. Not for a while. And the days totaled up don't seems to have the hold on me they once did. The pressing seems to be attacked by other things that pull me through. Smells. They affect me in a way I can hardly put to words. They are powerful reminders, swayers, transportation to a memory. My girl, she's home. These two weeks surrounding the end of the year feel like being thrust on to a merry go round I can't get off of. Hard for a girl like me who needs constants and routines. But she's here, and she fills the space with her nearing adulthood. And it's an amazing thing to watch. She baked last night. At midnight. I slept through it but at one point I woke up and the house was filled with the most beautiful of smells. It was weight to me. Tangible. This house has been through so many changes in the last decade. So has my life. A decade ago I had just walked in to a new career, was finding my way being a working mom again, and wondering what God wanted from me. 10 years later, I'm in the same boat. New career, kids going to new places and juggling this single thing. And there's a depth to it. A change. I see the parallels. But I see the growth. And I'm certain that's the point. I'm different than I was just 1,084 days ago. Nothing left untouched. I'm choosing gratefulness for each step. Each day. Each wake up. Because I'm certain it leading somewhere. Somewhere. Thankful.