Saturday, December 20, 2014

Salt Water

I cry. A lot. I always have. It's my emotion for everything. Seriously. I don't know how I manage to stay hydrated sometimes. And it's something that has irritated me most of my life.  Made me feel weak. And I have realized something over these past few days. Something about me and my heart. There was a time I didn't cry at all. My emotions were so heavily sealed off that I felt only numb. It was safer that way. And then God began the process of chipping away at that wall. And when it broke, it broke. And it changed me. I find myself at times bracing against emotions that are painful. Holding my breath trying to escape those feelings. And there comes that wall. And I am finding that the tears come from the breaking over and over. Because that wall holds me back and other out. And it prevents healing. I get frustrated when I feel as if I'm caving in again. Why can't I be stronger. Why can't I just be, well, not me. The tears keep my heart soft. Because He made me that way. They bring forgiveness and love over and over. They carve out places for joy to seep in deep. They are my thorn, but they make me able. They frustrate me, but they make me humble. They make me remember. Thankful. 

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